this is one of those easier said than done cases. i may agree whole heartedly with the idea that flaming is useless. but i occasionally find myself flaming despite this. sometimes its too difficult to get a hold of yourself quick enough.
for example, what i find really grinds my gears is when you write something to dispel certain points or ideas, or tell people to leave you alone altogether, but then people write stupid things anyway. they didn't take the time to read some of the other posts, or at least leave you be.
i make it a habit to keep up to date with what's being said on the thread, and i make a more educated post because of it, and i don't attack people. but a lot of people aren't courteous enough to do so as well, so they end up ticking me off despite my best efforts.
i hate repeating myself to other posters because it'd save me time and patience if they'd rtfp (read the frickin posts), and try to be nice to each other.
but unfortunately, in some cases it's unavoidable. henceforth, i'm doing my best to keep myself as level-headed and calm as possible. and if i do flame by accident, i at least have the decency to apologize to everyone on the thread and tell people i wasn't thinking clearly, and mention what ticked me off in the first place.
i'd strongly advise you to take heed from what i've learned pcnthuziast. i've come to realize that although you can't necessarily avoid flaming altogether, there are at least ways of fixing it. there's only so much you can do to prevent flaming and resist doing it yourself.
i have as of late been taking the time to read the posts, and i don't immediately write back. i learned that i usually end up writing something stupid in my anger. so i breathe deep a second, and come up with a way to tell the guy to calm down, and list reasons why his posts weren't helpful. when and if necessary, threaten with mod action. this way, at least you can't get in trouble for flaming. because you're not flaming. the other guy is.
sit tight and try to keep your pants on. if you find yourself unable to tell someone to chill, if you need help, there's other people around on these forums. you could PM one of us and ask what to do in the worst case. feel free to PM me if you like.