Not so much a tale from the toolroom; more a tale from the roadside.
I have an ancient motor which is fitted with a remote locking and immobiliser thingy (it also closes any electric window or roof left open when you lock it which is useful in this sh ite weather) but which I have not dared to use since it got stuck on in a somewhat embarrassing situation a year or so ago. I found the manual for it the other day so thought that at least it might be worth the price of a small battery to see if I can get it to work. I did not bother to read the manual at the time as I thought I knew better, turned it all on and pressed the lock button. No problem - worked first time. Pressed the unlock button and the alarm went off and it did not unlock.
'This is what happened a couple of years ago,' I think to myself glaring at this thing making the most awful racket, but I refuse to panic. Neighbours heads are beginning to appear at windows. Keep pressing the unlock button; alarm keeps ringing; car still locked. Beginning to get a bit stressed by this as it won't be long before someone comes and offers to help - well that's what they will say, but what they really mean is that I am disturbing the peace and they want to watch the cricket or whatever without this offensive noise. So, I stopped pressing the unlock button and unlocked the car with a key (which sets off the alarm again) and turned it off with the master key - peace. I note the manual on the passenger seat and have a look to seek further enlightenment.
O. It appears that the button I was using to unlock the car is in fact a panic button which will set off the alarm whether the car is locked or not, so every time I pressed it to unlock the thing, I set the alarm off. Once I had read that to unlock the car you press the same lock button again everything was peace and joy. And "Spit 'n Catchit" next door can go back inside to whatever he does in there. I think he grows stuff.
Moral - RTFM (see below if you need to find out)

































RTFM - Read the flipping (or suitable expletive) manual

Hah! Hilarious!