Okay, sorry for the triple-post.
So yeah, it would seem you were right. The uICE FAQ is written in layman terms, wheras the Girger manual was translated from German or something. It explains that IrDA and most remotes operate on different frequencies and such, so the IrDA port won't be able to listen for those signals.
The only thing that confuses me is the fact the Girder could SEE the signals, but I couldn't assign them to anything...
Yep, so oh well. I've got $110 store credit at Frys, maybe I'll go find something there. Thanks for all your help.