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Joke Emails. Do you get them?

By kimsland
Dec 4, 2008
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  1. Joke Emails

    I get them all the time. I can't tell any more, which one was the funniest
    Here's my latest email, as of 5mins ago:
    Maybe you could reply with your favorite one?

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?


    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?


    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?


    What is the speed of darkness?


    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?


    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?


    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?


    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?


    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



    Did you ever stop and wonder......



    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
    these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'


    Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'


    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?


    Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?


    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !


    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


    Stop singing and read on.......



    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


    Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?


    :haha:
     
  2. joytime360

    joytime360 Banned Posts: 57

    Lol... I used to receive some from my friends.
     
  3. mailpup

    mailpup TS Special Forces Posts: 6,979   +362

    It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

    Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

    But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

    "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

    So, the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

    A week later he called the national weather service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

    "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

    The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

    Two weeks later the chief called the National Weather Service again.

    "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

    "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

    "How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.

    The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.”
     

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