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05-03-2006, 08:18 PM
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on
the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots (marked with a 'P:') and the solutions
recorded (marked with an 'S:') by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
==
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
==
P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.
==
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
==
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
==
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
==
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
==
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
==
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
==
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
==
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
==
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.
==
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
==
P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.
==
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with
a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
==
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on
the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots (marked with a 'P:') and the solutions
recorded (marked with an 'S:') by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
==
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
==
P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.
==
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
==
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
==
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
==
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
==
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
==
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
==
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
==
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
==
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.
==
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
==
P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.
==
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with
a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
==
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