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SuperCheetah · #1 03-22-2002

Dell calls it quits

I seriously doubt this is true, but I saw this over at http://www.theonion.com/onion3810/co...ches_goal.html :

Quote:

"We did it," founder and CEO Michael Dell said. "Back when I started this company, I vowed that I would not rest until we revolutionized the way computers are sold. Well, at long last, that day is here. Bye."

"Some of the bids to buy the company were extremely attractive," Dell said. "But after thinking about it, I decided it would just be too weird having the company go on without me. Besides, what would there be for the new owners to do?"

"We had an incredible staff of people without whom we would never have reached our destination," Dell said. "To the great people of Austin, who helped make the corporate office feel like a home; to the 32,000 employees that were like a family to me; and, of course, to our many loyal customers, I'd just like to express my unending gratitude and appreciation for your support. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some golf to play."

If anyone can confirm this it would be great, cause I just can't seem to believe it...

svtcobra · #2 03-22-2002

That is the biggest joke I have ever read. Its probably the funniest thing I have read in awhile but it cant be true.

uncleel · #3 03-22-2002

Quote:

Originally posted by uncleel
* Take anything that SlackerCentral says w/ a grain of salt.

Ditto: for Onion

[SIZE=1]
Got News? > * AMD more expensive than Intel clock for clock...
http://www.3dspotlight.com/vb/showth...slackercentral[/SIZE]

SuperCheetah · #4 03-22-2002

Just making sure. I thought it was *garbage when I first read it too, but I had to get some opinions.
Man people will do anything for attention these days...

[SIZE=1](*edited by mod) [/SIZE]

MrGaribaldi · #5 03-23-2002

Quote:

Originally posted by SuperCheetah
Man people will do anything for attention these days...

Quote:

Posted under Copyright on TheOnion:
The Onion® is a satirical newspaper published by Onion, Inc.
The Onion® uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.without the expressed written consent of the publisher.
The Onion® is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

If you check out the rest of the site, you'll find that there isn't anything remotely serious...

Checking out what my horoscope is for this week, i find:

Quote:

Your extremely trying week will not be improved by your decision to deal with all problems by leaning on the horn.

need I say more...

BTW: TheOnion is just hilarious

Arris · #6 03-23-2002

Yeah I have been an onion reader for a while.
You should be able to tell from the content that its all satire.
Also there is a UK version called something like www.untitleddocument.co.uk

Whack0 · #7 04-01-2002

[SIZE=4] APRIL FOOLS [/SIZE]

Anyone here schemed or was a victim of a good April Fool's joke?
(schemed: you actually did it....or something)

well, i did this before, but i dont think i'm gonna do it again: you know the hose that sits on your kitchen sink that some of you might have? i taped the hose's handle to the hose's neck (so it's "activated"), aimed it to where someone would stand, and waited for an unsuspecting victim....
....my brother came downstairs and went to the sink to wash his hands. right when he pulled up the sink's handle, the hose let out a nice stream of cold water, and drenched my brother's shirt. the next thing i knew, i was on the floor, laughing my **** off while my brother was beating me up.
(note: for those who dont know about the hose thing, it only "turns on" if the sink is "on"....dunno if that helps)

i also had another good giggle at rage3d's site...

david5182 · #8 04-01-2002

Is it for real or April fools?
Check this out!!!

http://www.tomshardware.com/column/0...401/index.html

[COLOR=red][SIZE=4] APRIL FOOLS [/SIZE] [/COLOR]

SuperCheetah · #9 04-01-2002

This is the biggest load of BS I'll seen since they said Dell was calling it quits. Do you honestly think AMD would just sell out after coming so far???

Good one Uncle Tom!

Update just look at the bottom of the page when it is loading. The name of the page has April's fool written into it! Or you can just put your mouse over the link to the next page, either one works.

TS | Thomas · #10 04-01-2002

Quote:

Originally posted by david5182
Is it for real or April fools?
Check this out!!!

Please see our story last year entitled "BitBoys Oy purchase NVIDIA core assets"

boeingfixer · #11 04-01-2002

It's real, honest, just wait til tomorrow to get the punch line.

TS | Thomas · #12 04-01-2002

The funny thing is there will be people that do believe this, despite reading "We're going to be using a cheap version of the BeOS, and completely doing away with Microsoft and Intel. Corel is going to supply an Office Suite for us, and we're going to make everything Open Source and Linux. We won't have to do a thing on the software side. There's millions of pieces of really, really useful shareware out there".

uncleel · #13 04-01-2002

White House Announces Bush Conversion
http://www.unknowncountry.com/news/?id=1396

George Walker Bush, the 43rd President of the United States has announced his conversion to Islam.

The First Lady is having a series of burqas designed by Versace. She will be fully covered, but will wear different burqas, depending on the occasion. For example, her sports burqa is made of exclusive Egyptian cotton, and is light enough to enable her to continue to indulge her passion for swimming.

[SIZE=4] APRIL FOOLS [/SIZE]

uncleel · #14 04-01-2002

Driver Hits Bull's-Eye On Target Store
ctnow news
By KEN BYRON, Courant Staff Writer April 1, 2002

Quote:

NEW BRITAIN, CT.
Perhaps Melodie Morsicato simply did not see the signs on the front door of the Target Store on Hartford Road saying that it was closed for the day (Sunday).

After crashing her car through the store's entrance, Morsicato drove down one aisle to the rear of the building, scattering merchandise in her wake. When she could go no further, Morsicato turned left and headed down another aisle. She took another turn and came to a stop in the store's lawn and patio furniture section.

45-year-old Naugatuck woman was still attempting to drive when arrested by police officers, getting her out of the vehicle with difficulty. Ms. Morsicato could not give police a reason for her actions.

SuperCheetah · #15 04-02-2002

Yet another April fool's joke....

Quote:

By Minister of Propaganda
April 1, 2002

"Microsoft to base next generation OS on OpenBSD"

In a surprising development Microsoft stated today that it would
not be using the eight year old NT kernel in its next generation
operating system. The new system, to be called Windows BSD, will
be based around the freely available OpenBSD operating system.

Microsoft's Steve Ballmer had the following to say: "As part of our
new commitment to security, we are developing the next Windows
product based upon OpenBSD. We feel that OpenBSD's security record
fits well with our new proactive security model. Furthermore, we
fully approve of the BSD license and encourage developers continue
to write similarly-licensed code and avoid the infernal GNU GPL."
When asked whether the decision to base the new Windows operating
system on OpenBSD had anything to do with the success of Apple's
BSD-based OS X, Ballmer exclaimed "There's nothing those Mac people
can do that we can't do better. Microsoft has a long history with
Unix-like systems, dating back from our original development of
Xenix. We are dedicated to providing the Windows experience to
Unix on the desktop."

And it is not just the desktop that is the target of the new OS.
As servers have traditionally been Unix's strong point, Microsoft
sees a bright future for Windows BSD, Server Edition. One of the
first tests of Windows BSD Server will be running on Microsoft's
Hotmail servers, a trial by fire that always left Windows NT a bit
scorched. Said de Raadt "We are confident that Windows BSD can
more than hold its own in the server arena. Indeed, we expect
it to become the benchmark against which all others are judged."

OpenBSD founder and project lead The de Raadt will be relocating
from Calgary, Canada to Redmond, Washington to oversee the new
endeavor. When asked if he felt he was selling out, de Raadt replied
with characterist aplomb "I've dedicated my life to free software,
it's about time I got something in return." Other OpenBSD developers
will likely be moving to Microsoft's Redmond campus soon. Joining
de Raadt in Redmond is OpenBSD packet filter designer Daniel
Hartmeier. Hartmeier has already started work on a new firewall
codenamed "Microsoft Ward." Said Hartmeier, "I had some trouble
getting to the states, what with the airline problems we've been
having in Switzerland, but I'm looking forward to working with my
development team on the new firewall."

When confronted with the apparent inconsistency of developing a
Unix-based system while at the same time sponsoring a wave of
anti-Unix marketing, Chairman Bill Gates replied "That campaign is
targeted towards those other, incompatible versions of Unix. It
has no bearing whatsoever on Windows BSD."

One potential problem with Microsoft's plans were the revelation
that the BSD trademark is currently owned by embedded operating
systems specialist WindRiver systems. According to Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates, "WindRiver will surrender the BSD trademark
to us or we will bury them!"

During the announcement of Windows BSD at a PR blitzkrieg, Ballmer,
Gates and de Raadt jumped around shouting "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Come
on, get up, get up... Give it up for BSD!". A beta version of
Windows BSD, codenamed `Brobdingnag', will be available to MSDN
subscribers in 6 month's time.

However, not everyone was happy with the news of OpenBSD's commercial
success. A group of disgruntled OpenBSD developers who were not
offered jobs at Microsoft have created a competitor to OpenBSD.
Unlike OpenBSD, this operating system will be available under the
GNU GPL, effectively preventing Microsoft from using their code.
The new project, called GNU/BSD, is headed by French former OpenBSD
developers Dr. Marc Espie and Miod Vallat. In a joint statement,
Espie and Vallat stated "We feel it is grossly unfair to the European
developers of OpenBSD that all the attention should be centered
around North America. We will not stand for this wanton disregard
of the contributions of OpenBSD developers from around the world.
Therefore, we have started the GNU/BSD project to take the place
of OpenBSD, utilizing the skills of developers in the European Union
and beyond." When it was pointed out that Swiss developer Daniel
Hartmeier was part of the new Windows BSD project, Espie declared
that "Switzerland is hardly a part of Europe. They have only just
joined the United Nations for goodness sake."

Free Software Foundation founder Richard Stallman had the following
to say about the split. "I'm gratified that these people have
finally seen the light and have released their code until the GPL.
One of the GPL's goals is to prevent this kind of software theft
by large corporations. You can't have free software without Freedom.
By including GNU in the name they show the proper respect for the
GNU project's contributions to all free software projects, including
BSD." When asked to comment on Stallman's statement, de Raadt
simply said "In Windows BSD we've replaced gcc with Microsoft Visual
C Studio. We've no need for RMS, his software, or his silly song.
After all, we have Gloria Estefan."

Mictlantecuhtli · #16 04-02-2002

April Fool's Day history

Quote:

In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell on January first. There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool! "

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is. Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "
- American humorist Mark Twain

SuperCheetah · #17 04-03-2002

This really doesn't belong here as I don't think it is an April Fool's joke, but I didn't think it warranted its own thread. It's pretty funny so take a look:

Quote:

Bill Gates Fooled
Posted by Mr magoo on 07:10 EST on 03 Apr 2002 - 12:10 GMT | 13 comments

Thanks to the woods for this.

MONTREAL (CP) -- Microsoft chairman Bill Gates is probably used to people complaining about his windows operating system. At least, he didn't hang up when a radio show host posing as Prime Minister of Canada Jean Chrétien cursed at his frozen computer during a prank call.
Marc-Antoine Audette, who along with fellow host Sebastien Trudel spent a month getting through to Gates, was pretending to set up a time in his computer agenda for him and Gates to meet when the machine supposedly malfunctioned.
"Damn computers," Audette said in Chrétien's voice. "Who's the ***** that invented Windows 95?" Windows is Microsoft's main product.
Trudel said later: "There was silence but Bill Gates didn't hang up."
Continuing the gag, Audettet also suggested when Gates cam to Canada they meet at one of his "favorite places" which was in fact a Montreal strip club.
Trudel, who with Audette has tricked pop diva Celine Dion, race car driver Jaques Villeneuve and Premier Bernard Landry, said Gates was the toughest hoax to set up. It took them a month to get through to him to invite him to a phoney economic summit which he showed little interest in attending.

Didou · #18 04-07-2002

Taken from DigitLife

Quote:

1GHz Dual Duron and new Socket 924 from AMD

AMD's engineers made a great step ahead introducing very simple and effective SMP solution

Our sources close to AMD reported about almost doubled performance.

ServerWords: SMP and results of cross licensing

Company named ServerWords used its cross-licensing agreement with both Intel and AMD for developing world's first SMP chipset Pentlon supporting Athlon MP and Pentium 4 Xeon.
The chipset consists of North, South, East and West bridges. North and South bridges implements standard functions while West bridge converts DDR-RAMBUS memory requests to allow simultaneous access to shared system memory and East bridge (aka 'Intel-AMD prefetcher') detects which CPU to use for this or that application

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