So with the lack of a functioning monitor, and no USB mouse capabilities, I'm going to attempt to get a new laptop sooner rather than later.

(Any links will lead to system requirements)

Basically what I'm looking for is a laptop that can handle the newer games coming out. I;m not talking "ZOMG CRYSIS OPTIMAL REQS" but being able to play generally newer games at a good framerate, namely Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts, Civilization 4, or even Crysis with at least minimum requirements (I understand if this is a longshot, or even not capable with my price-range) and a few others (listed below) and hopefully StarCraft 2 whenever it comes out, without having to overhaul the computer at all. While price is not a terrible issue, I would prefer to keep it under $1300. I will almost definitely use my own mouse, and I have no need for a Blu-Ray burner, or anything fancy like that.

As a side note, is there a site or a thread where I could find a Complete *****'s Guide to Ubuntu? Might be a nice change for a new computer

Games I would hope to play:

Ubuntu download info:
http://www.psychocats.net/ubuntu/iso

Ubuntu help:
https://help.ubuntu.com/

Well, you're right about the price range. Most basic laptops don't bother with much by way of graphics, so you'd probably have to get something like a dell xps or an alienware or something. I haven't really researched companies or prices or anything, but with laptops you can't simply change the video card, so making the right decision before you buy is critical.
A nice list of mobile graphics card benchmarks
As far as ubuntu goes, if you're going to be playing games, I'd stick with windows. I tried wine and playonlinux, and wine works for basic things. But I just had too many problems with full screen graphic intensive programs. Most games wouldn't even start. But the compiz-xgl desktop cube is awesome. I really do like ubuntu, it's just not really worth it if you already have windows.