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Interesting stuff

By XtR-X
Feb 1, 2004
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  1. Probably every single person here has seen this before, but I think it's fun to read over again every once in a while.


    **************************************************


    Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
    Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
    Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
    Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
    Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
    Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
    Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
    Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
    Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
    Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    EVER WONDER

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
    Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"? - (a nice one for us computer nerds ;))
    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
    Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
    On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?
    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
     
  2. InsaneMonkeyBoy

    InsaneMonkeyBoy TS Rookie Posts: 163

    lol we are stupid asweell....................:confused:
     
  3. somekid007

    somekid007 TS Rookie Posts: 271

    these are a couple jokes we enjoy up in canada

    1. On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

    God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

    "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

    "Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

    2. You Know You're Canadian When:
    -You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    -You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

    -Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

    -The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

    -The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

    -You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.

    -You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.

    -You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

    -You know what a toque is.

    -You've plugged a car in overnight.

    -You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

    3. New Tax Form

    Canada's T1 Tax Return Form
    (New Simpler Format)
    1. How much money did you make? $________
    2. Send it to us.
     
  4. MYOB

    MYOB TS Rookie Posts: 492

    Re: these are a couple jokes we enjoy up in canada

    The rest are funny. Thats not. Because in a country where you don't have guns you generally never, ever find yourself in a situation where you have to "defend your property". The only reason people need guns to defend themselves is the guns themselves
     
  5. InsaneMonkeyBoy

    InsaneMonkeyBoy TS Rookie Posts: 163

    lol the lacrosse stick is especially good.
     
  6. somekid007

    somekid007 TS Rookie Posts: 271

    Re: Re: these are a couple jokes we enjoy up in canada

    well because of our close proximity to the usa, most of us have a good laugh at that.
     
  7. Masque

    Masque TechSpot Chancellor Posts: 1,058

    Okay, you've got my curiosity up. What the hell IS a "toque"?

    :confused:
     
  8. Greeno

    Greeno TS Rookie Posts: 281

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    No Offence to Japanese people, but having seen a few things on TV, it could make "This product doesn't double up as a torture device"
     
  9. RealBlackStuff

    RealBlackStuff TS Rookie Posts: 6,503

    This post of mine somewhere else really belongs here...

    You guys ever heard how the name "America" came into being?
    About a thousand years ago, some vikings discovered land at the other side of the ocean.
    They found some natives on the beach, who started jumping and shouting when they saw this big ship. So the Viking's chief, Eric, climbed onto the railing of the ship, and also started jumping, while shouting "I'm Eric, I'm Eric". Then his foot slipped, and he shouted "I'm Eric, Aaaaggghhh".
     
  10. Masque

    Masque TechSpot Chancellor Posts: 1,058


    Still waiting for someone to laugh at that one, eh?

    {runs like hell}

    :stickout:
     
  11. somekid007

    somekid007 TS Rookie Posts: 271

  12. lowman

    lowman TS Rookie Posts: 380

    Or...why do drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
     
  13. jackforbes

    jackforbes TS Rookie

    hi there interesting thread you got out here.......
     
  14. jtickner1

    jtickner1 TechSpot Chancellor Posts: 650

    I've seen this before, but it was a bit different. Only in Australia...
     
  15. whitelatte

    whitelatte TS Rookie Posts: 19

    XtR-X's : we Malaysia (my home country) is not far from what you are experiencing. It's a good one thou. You might want to check out malaysia-today.net Some is really nice reading materials.
     
  16. M0R0NI

    M0R0NI TS Rookie Posts: 86

    I have always wondered that!:)
     
  17. Acclamator

    Acclamator TS Rookie Posts: 261

    Wow this is an anciet thread, and yes you have pointed out some of the USA's flaws.
     

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