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Microsoft Jokes

By Phantasm66
Mar 31, 2002
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  1. cabrone

    cabrone TS Rookie Posts: 166

    lol, i laugh at the blue screen on that big ad in the city, it reminds me of something that happened while i was at church this past sunday..

    we have 2 screens that project the song lyrics during singing and power point presentation during the sermon. During this sunday we were singing and the screen just crashed to a blue screen, powerpoint had crashed it i guess... lol
     
  2. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  3. cabrone

    cabrone TS Rookie Posts: 166

    lol went there, what am i supposed to look for?
     
  4. Phantasm66

    Phantasm66 TS Rookie Topic Starter Posts: 6,504   +6

    Hehehehe I liked that Michtlan... heheh....

    Cabrone - I hope you are kidding. Otherwise you are a true ******* ;)
     
  5. MYOB

    MYOB TS Rookie Posts: 527

  6. cabrone

    cabrone TS Rookie Posts: 166

    lol p66 looking back on this i realize you have every right to call me a *******, i thought the search field was "microsoft go to hell" not just "go to hell" so i was like umm.... lol but yes this time i was more careful and observant... quite funny. How did you spot this?
     
  7. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

    Someone, I don't remember who, posted the link on BeShare.
     
  8. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

    I wonder which OS I have :giddy:

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  10. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  11. josbd

    josbd TS Enthusiast Posts: 292

    Well that lot kept me happy for quite a while, heheheh...... excellent stuff!
     
     
  12. josbd

    josbd TS Enthusiast Posts: 292

    Baby Gates and Microsoft
    For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time:
    Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11pm. And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common?

    1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support.
    2. Both barf all over themselves regularly.
    3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support won't help.
    4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceeded them.
    5. At first release they're relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year.
    6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one.
    7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation.
    8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release.
    9. Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work.
    10. For at least the next year, they'll suck.
     
  13. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  14. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

    From GameDev.net:
    Code:
    /* Source Code to Windows 98 -- Enjoy! */
    
    #include "win31.h"
    #include "win95.h"
    #include "evenmore.h"
    #include "oldstuff.h"
    #include "billrulz.h"
    #define INSTALL = HARD
    
    char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
    void main()
    { 
    	while(!CRASHED)
    	{
    		display_copyright_message();
    		display_bill_rules_message();
    		do_nothing_loop();
    		if (first_time_installation)
    		{
    			make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
    			do_nothing_loop();
    			totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
    			search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
    			hang_system();
    		}
    	
    		write_something(anything);
    		display_copyright_message();
    		do_nothing_loop();
    		do_some_stuff();
    		
    		if (still_not_crashed)
    		{
    			display_copyright_message();
    			do_nothing_loop();
    			basically_run_windows_3.1();
    			do_nothing_loop();
    			do_nothing_loop();
    		}
    	}
    	
    	if (detect_cache())
    		disable_cache();
    
    	if (fast_cpu())
    	{
    		set_wait_states(lots);
    		set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    		set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    		set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
    	}
    
    	/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
    	/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
    	printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
    	if (system_ok())
    		crash(to_dos_prompt)
    	else
    		system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
    
    	while(something)
    	{
    		sleep(5);
    		get_user_input();
    		sleep(5);
    		act_on_user_input();
    		sleep(5);
    	}
    	create_general_protection_fault();
    } 
    
    
    
     
  15. me(who else?)

    me(who else?) TS Rookie Posts: 433

    So that's what got leaked....;)
     
  16. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  17. lowman

    lowman TS Rookie Posts: 446

    I hate that paperclip...
     
  18. me(who else?)

    me(who else?) TS Rookie Posts: 433

    Have you seen Windows RG? Maybe we should be Rick to post the link (i can't remeber it). It's on his sig.
     
  19. Mictlantecuhtli

    Mictlantecuhtli TS Evangelist Posts: 4,916   +9

  20. AMD2800+

    AMD2800+ TS Rookie Posts: 57

    I would post my own windows creations, but max is 100KB, want me to put them on photobucket? Altered windows screens.
     
  21. HughJass

    HughJass TS Rookie Posts: 137



    LOL thats awsome nice one :)
     
  22. glowingnissan07

    glowingnissan07 TS Enthusiast Posts: 109

    lol, sweet jokes dude

    i dont really have any, but i did have this desktop backround showing Bill Gates trapped behind the screen of the PC. you can find this pic somewhere on killsometime.com

    (im too lazy to go looking for it)

    looks like ur a big fan of starwars

    thats pretty sweet. If you havent already go check out theforce.net

    they got some pretty cool fanfilms, and in 2 years my movies gonna be posted on it.


    :darth: DARTH VADER

    -"The force is stron with this one"

    Q: how do you post a small quote beneath the threads AND...how do you place a picture next to your Techspot Name?
     
  23. IronDuke

    IronDuke TS Rookie Posts: 1,267

    Edit your profile:)
     
  24. halo71

    halo71 TS Rookie Posts: 1,289

    Windows "CEMENT"

    I must say....WinCE on my iPaq is "ONE" of the few M$ creations I have never had a problem with! lol...

    maybe I shouldn't have said that....the iPaq will probably fry itself upon next boot up.... :)
     
  25. Shadowrunner

    Shadowrunner TS Rookie Posts: 149

    IRC jokes (All MicroSh!t of course)

    1.
    <YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
    <YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
    * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
    * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
    <YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

    2.
    <cheapo> haha, this screen appeared on my windows that said "time before shutdown: 60 seconds"
    <cheapo> so i turned the windows clock 2 years backwards and now it says "time before shutdown: 729 days" D
    <cheapo> i just love windows :D

    3.
    <jamesd> "... being a Linux user is sort of like living in a house inhabited by a large family of carpenters and architects. Every morning when you wake up, the house is a little different. Maybe there is a new turret, or some walls have moved. Or perhaps someone has temporarily removed the floor under your bed."
    * kop_ (~2@sdn-ap-019watacoP0124.dialsprint.net) has joined #solaris
    <sheenmaster> jamesd: being an OpenServer or UNIXWare user is like living in a house that hasn't been touched by a carpenter or inspected by an architect in years. Every morning when you wake up, the neighbor's house is a little better. You are justing thankful that the floor hasn't fallen out from beneath your bed, cause you know it'll be half a decade before its fixed.
    * RainbowW has quit (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))
    <sheenmaster> jamesd: being a Windows user is like living is a cheap vegas hotel. Every morning, you wake up with a new disease. The floor beneath your bed is likely to fall through at any time, but at least you can burn the hotel down and rebuild it or move to another room.
    <jamesd> "Memory is like gasoline. You use it up when you are running. Of course you get it all back when you reboot..."
    <jamesd> -- Actual explanation obtained from the Micro$oft help desk.
    <sheenmaster> haha
    <sheenmaster> Damn Microsoft for coming up with better jokes than we do!

    4.
    < robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
    < bawss> Right click.

    5.
    <Jim> how big is 10 inches
    <Jim> like on a computer screen
    <ShyAway> somewhere around 22cm
    <Jim> so how many inches would this be |-------------------------------------------|
    <ShyAway> 5?
    <Jim> no way
    <RiotingNerd> um that would depend on your screen resolution
    <RiotingNerd> if i was using like 480*600 on a 21 inch monitor that would be like 15 inches
    <ShyAway> jim is measuring his man tool in hyphens
    <Jim> ok if you were on windows xp how many inches would that be
    <RiotingNerd> jim what resolution sir
    <ShyAway> LOL
    <Jim> xp professional
    <RiotingNerd> no sir
    <RiotingNerd> that is not a resolution
    <diospadre> rofl
    <Jim> but it's the newest one
    <ShyAway> rofl
    <diospadre> thats an os you *****
    <Jim> oh

    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> mnajdi@microsoft.aint.nothing.but.a.system-crash.net
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> yeh
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> i work for microsoft
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> oh ok
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> to u know l cracked the windows xp home
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> heh so what
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> many people crack our software
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> do u know the trick
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> once you try and install service pack 1 your ip will be logged and traced
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l work for the tnt2 cracker team
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> we cracked over 40 milon softwares
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> look man
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> we got a ip logging that gives u fake traces
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> microsoft already makes millions from coporate buyers
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> that how we cracked win xp home
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> i already got your IP from IRC
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> @acc6-ppp29.hay.dialup.connect.net.au
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> ok
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l, joking
    <C0ZMIC|WoRk> i can call your ISP and ask them who you are
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l not evevn useing win xp home
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l,m sorry
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l was only jking
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> l got a licesed copy of win98
    <AMD_aTHLON_MP> plz forgive me

    <Neon[UK]>im considering using redhat as my desktop pc
    <Neon[UK]>its just so much better
    <Neon[UK]>windows error: OMFG THERZZ AN ERRROR!!111 WTF??!?!?!
    <Neon[UK]>linux error: hello there, you have an error. here's a detailed list of whats gone wrong and he's how to fix it, would you like some coffee?

    <Matilde> Hiroshima '45, Nagasaki '45, Chernobil '86, Windows '95


    Pay attention to the first and last ones!!
     


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