You have 30 minutes: Where would you hide a USB drive from the FBI?

[Julio Franco]

We're bringing back something a lot of you told us you missed – the Weekend Open Forum. It's a chance to unwind a little, step away from the news cycle, and just chat, joke, and share your thoughts with the rest of the TechSpot community. We'll come back to it once every month or so (maybe more if you like it), and each one will pose a fun, geeky, or thought-provoking question to kick off the conversation.

So, without further ado, here's the first topic – inspired by a spicy little meme that's been making the rounds:

You have 30 minutes to hide a USB drive in your house.

Your house will then be raided by police, detectives, and FBI agents – all looking for that one USB.

Where do you hide it so that it won't be found?

We want to hear your most clever, outrageous, (legal-ish?) ideas. Think like a spy. Think like a hacker. Think like someone who's watched just enough heist movies to be dangerously imaginative.

Would you stash it inside a hollowed-out bar of soap? Tape it under the fridge coils? Disguise it as a dead battery? Bury it in the litter box? Or go full 4D chess and leave it in plain sight? Bonus points for creativity, plausibility, and absurdity. Drop your ideas in the comments below and let's see who can outwit a full FBI search team. We'll highlight our favorite replies in next month's WOF!

Have fun – and remember: this is all hypothetical… probably.

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You have 30 minutes: Where would you hide a USB drive from the FBI?

 

[Sovietrebel]

I'd go ahead and swallow it..

 

[antiproduct]

Nice try, FBI.

 

[Mjsun]

Tanked water heater. Shut off incoming water (valve), relieve pressure (tap), twist off water inlet, shove bagged drive in inlet, reconnect line, turn on valve. Just hope they do not see scalded hands, maybe take a hot shower.

 

[NotYourITguy]

I know of a story where someone shipped their stuff to an Amazon warehouse and then they bought their own item back. Modern problems require modern solutions or something.

 

[Megalomaniac]

If you're being raided and the FBI has a warrant for "technology", they can take any and all digital devices, but they can't touch non tech.

Hide it in your cereal box or food.

Furthermore, if I have 30 minutes, I can hide it IN MY NEIGHBOR'S PROPERTY as that's outside the scope of the warrant.

30 minutes is a long time actually. I could drive to my friend's house and back in that time.

 

[paulneocube]

Nice try, FBI.

Lol

 

[VitalyT]

The best place is outside the house. They may search the entire house, but not its surroundings.

 

[Hassanabi]

Under rooftiles of my neighbour.

 

[GhostLegion]

If you're being raided and the FBI has a warrant for "technology", they can take any and all digital devices, but they can't touch non tech.

Hide it in your cereal box or food.

Furthermore, if I have 30 minutes, I can hide it IN MY NEIGHBOR'S PROPERTY as that's outside the scope of the warrant.

30 minutes is a long time actually. I could drive to my friend's house and back in that time.

This is actually brilliant, on someone else’s property is a genius move although I’m not sure how I’d hide it on my neighbor’s property….

My own contribution would be to drill out a hole where the door closes on the strike plate and slide the USB in there.

Or better yet, break the USB down to just the naked PCB and hide it inside some other thing with electronics, like a smoke alarm or something. That way any EM it gives off will be masked by the other electronics.

 

[bclaymiles]

The best place is outside the house. They may search the entire house, but not its surroundings.

Not true. For legal purposes, the surrounding property is known as curtilage, and is under the same protections as the house itself, proper. What matters is how the search warrant is written. Sometimes it's limited strictly to just a single room in the household, believe it or not. Usually it just states "the premises", which includes the driveway, yard, outbuildings, etc.

So this works both ways. If a cop comes to your home and is sniffing around outside without a warrant, that's an actionable violation of your rights. However, a common pretense is for them to engage in a 'knock and talk' - cops are allowed to come to your door like anyone else is. They then attempt to engage in discussion, all the while looking past you while you're standing in your door, or the sidekick starts wandering around the outside of the house. At that point you can demand them to leave "the premises' - which include the porch, the driveway, and everything to the property line.

This post brought to you by falling down the youtube rabbit hole of constitutional lawyer videos.

 

[bclaymiles]

Under rooftiles of my neighbour.

This is one of the better ideas. Having it off your property means that it's outside the scope of a search warrant.

Rooftiles, that might involve too much visible effort to conceal, without your neighbor being aware. Maybe better, some different pretense involving some other object with the usb stick hidden in it. Maybe put it in an old worn softball, then quietly drop it in the bushes on their property. The next day tell them your kid lost their ball and 'can I take a look for it'.

 

[Hassanabi]

This is one of the better ideas. Having it off your property means that it's outside the scope of a search warrant.

Rooftiles, that might involve too much visible effort to conceal, without your neighbor being aware. Maybe better, some different pretense involving some other object with the usb stick hidden in it. Maybe put it in an old worn softball, then quietly drop it in the bushes on their property. The next day tell them your kid lost their ball and 'can I take a look for it'.

Use a small drone and fly it to some random high up location that you can't reach easily is another option. Or attach it to a water drain on the streets.

 

[Mercury Joe]

I doubt the warrant will cover a cavity search..

Just saying.

 

[Neutronbeam]

Inbetween the replaceable carbon filters in my home furnace that frame large electrostatic filters.

 

[bclaymiles]

Inbetween the replaceable carbon filters in my home furnace that frame large electrostatic filters.

As long as you don't run the furnace. Electrostatic filters could cause electrostatic damage.

 

[gingerbill]

Some posters are not following the rule of hiding it "in your house"

 

[SRB]

Under our kitchen sink, we have a PCV drain pipe with a Y for cleaning it out if the pipe gets stopped up. I'd glue/tape/putty the drive to the underside of the cap, so if they do look, they'll take of the cap, and in all likelyhood, not notice there is something under the cap recessed beneath the threads of the cap. Especially if it's covered by the adhesive/tape/whatever. The water never runs up that Y, so the drive would be safe from water.

 

[Axeia]

Inside the seal of the fridge door.
Inside the kitchens extraction hood (that is generally a very nasty place that people don't really want to deal with)
Inside my IKEA' floating shelf' (there's a small recess on the back)
Tape it to the the inside of the drain filter in the shower
On the inside of the power supply inside the PC
Inside a cable gutter
In between the spare space on the radiator

Even better: Copy contents to a micro-sd card, destroy the USB stick. A micro-sd card is so small you could stick it to the back of decorative cover for a light switch, inside the rim of a lamp shade, in between the desk leg and the desk itself, under the carpet etc etc

 

[RudyBob]

I'd give it to Captain Koons

 

[ScottSoapbox]

Obviously not in my house.

(I reject the premise of the question.)

30 minutes is a long time. One could drive to the bank, get cash, drive to FedEx, send it anywhere in the world, and still be back in time to greet the State's lapdogs with your attorney.

 

[MasterFig]

I'd live my life in such a way that I wouldn't need to worry myself about it.

 

[Aus spot]

Some posters are not following the rule of hiding it "in your house"

Because why would you not take advantage of thinking outside the square. And why would you tell filth where to look.

 

[Squid Surprise]

Well, I live in Canada so it would be the RCMP… I guess I’d do like Paul Bernardo and hide it above a ceiling tile as they were too incompetent to find it there….

Or… as I have tons of original G1 Transformers, I’d pop it into Soundwave’s “battery pack” while in robot form as the batteries transform into blaster guns leaving that slot empty to fit a USB key in easily

 

[BlackyNoir]

Because why would you not take advantage of thinking outside the square.

Outside my also my first idea, but the premise say nothing about surveillance. If somehow I learned about this search in advance, I would assume I'm already under surveillance. And me walking through my land to go to my neighbors then walk back is quite visible even with the trees, and would get people looking there (with judicial extension if necessary).

If you live in a dense city, you might try to break surveillance and drop it somewhere safe, but that's betting lot on your self skills.

One thing I would do though, is drop my Debian iso USB stick in my septic tank. Hopefully it can float for some time, and get noticed, forcing them to drain it and sift through it with a fine tough comb.