Facepalm: There are several good reasons to be excited about Forspoken, the action-RPG from Square Enix and Luminous Productions. Not only does it look like a potentially excellent game, but it's likely to be the first PC title to use Microsoft's DirectStorage. Sadly, its latest trailer fails to incite any feelings of excitement; instead, viewers have been left cringing so badly that their actual skeletons are curling (possibly).
The 32-second trailer posted on the official Forspoken Twitter account shows plenty of impressive gameplay. The internet has been going wild over it, but not for the game itself; it's the dialogue spoken by protagonist Frey Holland that has people rushing to reply.
"So let me get this straight," Holland says, in a semi-sarcastic/cynical tone that would make Chandler Bing blush. "I'm somewhere that's not what I would call Earth, I'm seeing freaking dragons, and—oh yeah!—I'm talking to a cuff! Yeah, OK, that is something I do now. I do magic, kill jacked-up beasts, I'll probably fly next."
There is some good to have come from the trailer—not from Square Enix's point of view, obviously. It's led to a slew of very funny imitations in which the dialogue is applied to other games. The God of War parody is a highlight:
Who me? Yeah I'm a freakin GOD as it turns out. Shyeah I'm all about that axe life. That handsome devil next to me? Fam, that's literally my BOY. He can thank me for his good looks AND formative trauma. It's not easy fighting heCkin VIKINGS. But Honestly? Being a parent ragnaroxx pic.twitter.com/CK1owzyzhM— Nicholas Kole (@FromHappyRock) August 9, 2022
So is this Bloodborne one.
There are absolutely loads more like this.
well.. where do I start? Im in FREAKING space!! Isnt that looney? I gotta find a "metroid" whatever that means... Do you know what REALLY grinds my gears with this adventure? those DARN, STINKY, SMELLY pirate- oh whoops.. heh.. they're right behind me, are they? https://t.co/kkQsJpB6TP pic.twitter.com/KwPo8kOmnc— ＥＲＲＯＲ (PLAY OUTER WILDS!!) 🐇 COMMISIONS CLOSED (@PlushError) August 10, 2022
PC Gamer notes that the surprising thing about all this is the number of high-profile writers attached to Forspoken. Veteran television scriptwriter Allison Rymer is one, as is Amy Hennig, known for her work on the Uncharted and Legacy of Kain series.
Some of the comments aren't humorous, though. A few people say the dialogue is so bad that it's put them off playing a game they'd previously been looking forward to. Hopefully, or surely, what we hear in the final product won't be as bad as what's in the trailer.
Forspoken was delayed for a second time last month, moving the launch from October to January 2023, meaning we're now unlikely to see Microsoft DirectStorage technology running in Windows 11 this year.