Microsoft Jokes

I can't believe that phantasm posted so many, but here's some of my favourites:

From 'if operating systems ran the airlines'

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.
 
an old stupid one

here is the only Windows joke i know and it's kinda stupid but here goes

Why did they put Windows NT in the prision system?
Because it allways locks up bada boom

Sorry but it's all i know
 
whiternoise said:
I can't believe that phantasm posted so many, but here's some of my favourites:

From 'if operating systems ran the airlines'

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.
Click to expand...


An older version of that joke

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

DOS Air: Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, jump off...
Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, talk the same, and act the same. When you ask them questions about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Windows Airlines: The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants couteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning.

OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty - only a few prospective passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just departed, although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline personnel apologize profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until mid-1995. Maybe longer.

Fly Windows NT: Passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac and place them in the outline of a plane. They sit down, flap their arms, and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

Unix Express: Passengers bring a piece of the airplane and a box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing about what kind of plane they want to build. The passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft but give them all the same name. Only some passengers reach their destinations, but _all_ of them believe they arrived
 
Reasons Why Windows is NOT a virus

Viruses are free.

Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive.

Viruses don't need 80 megs of RAM.

Viruses don't have major bugs.

Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation.

Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.

Viruses aren't on every computer.

Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32...

Viruses install themselves !






Windows Support

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." (Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.)

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it'?"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"

Customer: "After they were initialized all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
 
Having a good big P

Phantasm66 said:
piss_on_it.jpg
Click to expand...
He doesn't seem to be quite at ease just at ease just yet.
 
MicroSoft Wallpapers (Daveo-Made) one of many

:haha: Here's a couple of Wallpapers I made about 6 months ago.

Resized down to 800x600 for posting.
 

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lol :haha: I think I won't use the speech feature to write letters....

I better listen to the MS paperclip... :haha:
 
Hello to all

Glad to know I'm not alone.
This all started with that infamous "NTLDR is missing" thing.
Tonight I will try my luck applying what I have research.
Any special precaution?
Thank you.
 
I wanna share my experience sometime ago, i was in my uni. computer lab. and when i switched on the system there was an error message which read as :
.
.
.
Keyboard Error, Keyboard not found...
Press F1 to continue...
 
I remember getting that all the time! Lol it's SUCH a badly written error message because even if you plug the keyboard back in, it still doesn't recongnise that it's there, and it demands that you press f1 to continue ;)
 
dmill89 said:
Reasons Why Windows is NOT a virus


Windows Support

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." (Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.)

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it'?"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"

Customer: "After they were initialized all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Click to expand...
of course that one belongs in the "dumb things people do on their computers" thread!
 
God, Jezus, Bill, Gabriel and the poor Linux Guy not allowed to go to heaven yet...

When Bill came to heaven, he saw a guy sitting before the port of heaven, and asked 'Does it

take long before one is allowed into heaven? How long are you waiting?". The guy responded,

"Well i am here for 60 years now, i wasn't good enough to be allowed into heaven, and not bad

enough to be send to hell.". Suddenly Angels came, and the angels started to sing, the door to

heaven started opening, and it was God himself who came out and said "Come in, my dear mr Gates,

we have to celebrate your arrival.." And God looked to the right, and said to the guy who was

sitting there for 60 years: "I had to let you wait, actually you will be allowed into heaven

quite soon, just wait another few weeks!"

Never ever heaven was so full of angels celebrating the coming of a person, the guy who waited

60 years wondered, "Why are they celebrating so much?, i have seen thousands, yes, milions

people coming and never there was a celebration like this."

The last day of the celebration of Bill's arrival Gabriel opened the port to heaven, and said to

the guy, "God wants to see you, your are allowed in..." The guy was amazed, God kept his

promise. While they where walking onto God's chair, they started discussing, why they celebrated

the coming of Bill.

"Well Gabriel said, Bill Gates was so rich, he even bribed God and Jezus themself."
 
yall keep making fun of microsoft but without em we would probably be using macs and possibly linux right now
 
Huh....

Yall don't seem to understand. Windows is a great operating system, but you'd think (I do) that with their large amounts of money they could do it right for once. I like Vista, don't get me wrong, but the bugs really should not be there.

Even if we did have to go with Mac and Linux, it wouldn't be that bad. With no Windows, the games, along with all programs, would all originate on Mac and/or Linux.

In fact, for all we know, not having Microsoft may have caused A few wars to be averted.... ;P)
 
Woman like man like Steve Ballmer offcourse...

Someone actually gave him hair,

Just watch the youtube movie, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3XdOl5YtLg




When Bill came to heaven, he saw a guy sitting before the port of heaven, and asked 'Does it

take long before one is allowed into heaven? How long are you waiting?". The guy responded,

"Well i am here for 60 years now, i wasn't good enough to be allowed into heaven, and not bad

enough to be send to hell.". Suddenly Angels came, and the angels started to sing, the door to

heaven started opening, and it was God himself who came out and said "Come in, my dear mr Gates,

we have to celebrate your arrival.." And God looked to the right, and said to the guy who was

sitting there for 60 years: "I had to let you wait, actually you will be allowed into heaven

quite soon, just wait another few weeks!"

Never ever heaven was so full of angels celebrating the coming of a person, the guy who waited

60 years wondered, "Why are they celebrating so much?, i have seen thousands, yes, milions

people coming and never there was a celebration like this."

The last day of the celebration of Bill's arrival Gabriel opened the port to heaven, and said to

the guy, "God wants to see you, your are allowed in..." The guy was amazed, God kept his

promise. While they where walking onto God's chair, they started discussing, why they celebrated

the coming of Bill.

"Well Gabriel said, Bill Gates was so rich, he even bribed God and Jezus themself."
 
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