First, a friendly disclaimer. This is not a holiday shopping list. If you were hoping to find something useful to give, this ain't the place. For all the useful items you can potentially find while browsing around on Amazon, eBay or your online retailer of choice, there are always the occasional WTF?! products in the mix.
This list of weird and wonderful stuff that the internet has kicked up made us gasp and giggle and shake our heads no less than 10 times. And while these items exhibit varying degrees of strangeness, they stand here as proof that if you can dream it, you can almost certainly buy it.
Skull-Shaped Telephone with LED Eyes
($9.95 with $4.45 s&h)
Who doesn't need this? LED eyes that light up when the phone is ringing, a removable face handset, and an excuse to start answering the phone "Skullo!"
Lighter Cufflinks
($90 with free shipping)
Normally we wouldn't choose an accessory that could potentially send our whole outfit up in smoke, but these vintage-style cufflinks with working lighters just might change our mind. New party trick: Roasting mini-marshmallows on cocktail sticks. Classy.
Mini Harmonica Necklace
($2.15 with free shipping)
Tired of playing a tiny air violin when your friends bemoan their #firstworldproblems? Why not take up the mini-harmonica and play some real mock-sympathy music! Four notes is all you need to make the perfect wa waa waa waahhh!
Glow-in-the-Dark Bedding
($66.97 with free shipping)
It might seem counterintuitive, but glow-in-the-dark bedding is a real thing. Actually, this might be kind of useful to combat your child's fear of the dark. Although when the zombies come (which will be at night, as we know) this glowing bedspread might act as a beacon, thus fulfilling your child's worst nightmares --- or unleashing a superpower nobody knew the kid had. (It's win-win, really.)
Professional Eye Massager
($9.98 with $4.99 s&h)
Although professional eye massagers are touted as a great way to relieve stress and improve vision, we can't help but think that it looks like a prop from Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein. That said, wearing this mask inside out would make a pretty creepy Halloween costume; although, like all the best costumes, you won't be able to see.
Miracle Toast Stamper
($3.07 with free shipping)
There aren't many silver linings to a day that starts with your toast burning, but thanks to this miracle toast stamper you can at least exclaim "Holy smoke!" and watch your mother/girlfriend/cat roll its eyes.
Boyfriend Pillow
($19.95 with $6.25 s&h)
Love having a boyfriend to cozy up to, but hate men with flesh/bones/faces? Never fear, the boyfriend pillow cuts out all the hassle of a real-life boyfriend and is happy to sit through another Sandra Bullock movie with you (well, as happy as a pillow ever gets).
12-Foot Inflatable Animated Spider
($199.95 with $22.95 s&h)
You've probably been going through your day-to-day life without even the faintest inkling that you could have an inflatable 12-foot spider in your backyard whenever you want. Well, no longer! We are pretty sure that the photoshopped kids in this picture had no idea that they were dancing with a Shelob-esque monster.
iPhone Dock / Toilet Roll Dispenser
($63 with free shipping)
Most people look at a toilet roll dispenser and see a toilet roll dispenser --- but not the good folks at Atech Flash Technology. If only this had a remote, we could subject guest users to the scream from Psycho and scare the --- er --- crap out of them.
Killer Whale Submarine
(from $100,000)
Yep, it's out there! This submarine is great for the up-and-coming villain in your life and seats one pilot/captain and one passenger/hostage. Plus, there's a camera built into the dorsal fin to keep a look out for pesky secret agents in pursuit.
In a world where LOLcats rule the internet and twerking, The Harlem Shake, and bronies all exist, it's not really surprising that you can type three words into a search engine and find something you couldn't even have imagined for sale at a reasonable price. Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to type unicorn bacon pie into Google. Fingers crossed!
Warning: Purchasing all these items together might make you look like an evil villain furnishing his lair. Readers, have you come across any weird and wonderful products?
Paula Kerrigan is a content writer and Assistant Editor at dealnews. Republished with permission. 8-bit Pixel 3-Letter Acronyms image by Shutterstock