The jokes thread

By Rage_3K_Moiz ยท 279 replies
Jan 4, 2006
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  1. AtK SpAdE

    AtK SpAdE TechSpot Chancellor Posts: 1,495

    Very funny :D
  2. SOcRatEs

    SOcRatEs TechSpot Paladin Posts: 966

    I beg to was attatched to a CHICKEN!!
    and he spits feathers too.LOL

    What do you call a black guy fly'in an airplane?

    answer: highlight the text between *A PILOT you racist!*
  3. taylub

    taylub TS Enthusiast Posts: 127

    what do you call a lesbian dinosaur

  4. Rage_3K_Moiz

    Rage_3K_Moiz Sith Lord Topic Starter Posts: 5,443   +38

    LOL that comment fits right in with that pic of Mr. Garrison from SP!
  5. taylub

    taylub TS Enthusiast Posts: 127

    hehe i try :p
  6. AMDIsTheBest010

    AMDIsTheBest010 TS Rookie Posts: 398

    you want to have some fun?

    Go down to your local Arbys fast food (US) and order yourself 3cheddar roast beef sanbitches, with no fires or drink just the sanbitch. Your order will come up to $4.81, give that sucker in there $10.03 and sit back and watch the fun begin. Its so funny to see how long it takes those kids in there come up with $5.22, one time i even had to tell the guy what my change was.

  7. AMDIsTheBest010

    AMDIsTheBest010 TS Rookie Posts: 398

    yet another joke:)

    A kid is sleeping with his parents in there bed when its thunderstorming, however he wakes up to his mom and dad having sex.

    Mommy whats that? Thats my vagina but its called and "Aunt"

    Dad whats that? Thats my Penis, but you can call it "Uncle"

    Next day kid goes walking downstairs and his moms cutting a turkey for Dinner, and she cuts herself and says "****",

    Whats "****" mommy? Ohh, thats means to cut a turkey.


    The kid walks up stairs and his dads shaving and cuts himslef and says "****"

    Whats "****" daddy? Ohh, it means to take a crap


    Door bell rings, the kid answers the dor and its his aunt and uncle.

    "Hi Penis and Vagina, My moms ****ing a Turkey and my Dads taking a ****."

    Moral of the story:
    Never lie to your kids:)

  8. SOcRatEs

    SOcRatEs TechSpot Paladin Posts: 966

    AMD!:haha: :haha:

    What do
    Kdahfi coffee
    Aytola Cola
    Sadaham soda
    all have in common?

    Gives everyone gas but US!
  9. AMDIsTheBest010

    AMDIsTheBest010 TS Rookie Posts: 398

    lol, thats very true:)

    Very Hot lady walks into a doctors office and says:

    "I have a condition I need you to check out"

    The doctor begins to rub her sides, and says "do you know what im doing now?"

    "Yes, checking for abnormalities"

    The doctor then begins to feel her breasts. "do you know what im doing now?

    "yes checking for breast cancer" says the lady

    The doctor then takes off his clothes and climbs ontop of her on the examining bed.

    "Do you know what im doing now?" asks the doctor.

    "Yes, getting Herpes thats what i was here about" says the lady

    Moral of the story:
    Always listen to the full story first:)

  10. SOcRatEs

    SOcRatEs TechSpot Paladin Posts: 966

    Sickest forum smilies




  11. Rage_3K_Moiz

    Rage_3K_Moiz Sith Lord Topic Starter Posts: 5,443   +38

    ROTFL! Nice one AMD! :grinthumb
  12. hynesy

    hynesy TS Maniac Posts: 389

    hell yeah AMD, your the joke king...

    Top Ten Reasons Why Computers are Male

    10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

    9. A better model is always just around the corner.

    8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

    7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

    6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

    5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

    4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

    3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

    2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

    1. Size does matter.

    Also, top ten places to visit
    10. Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
    9. Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
    8. Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
    7. Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
    6. Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
    5. Tittybong (Australia)
    4. Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
    3. Climax (Colorado, USA)
    2. Bastard (Norway)
    1. Wank (Germany)

    Well thats my world tour;) :p
  13. Rage_3K_Moiz

    Rage_3K_Moiz Sith Lord Topic Starter Posts: 5,443   +38

    HAHA! That was even better than AMD's! :grinthumb
  14. hynesy

    hynesy TS Maniac Posts: 389

    glad you enjoyed them
  15. AMDIsTheBest010

    AMDIsTheBest010 TS Rookie Posts: 398

    here are some blonde jokes for ya. Now please if anyone has blonde hair, these are just jokes, not serious.

    Top Ten Blonde Inventions:

    1. Waterproof Towel

    2. Solar Powered Flashlight

    3. Submarine Screen Door

    4. Books on how to read

    5. Inflateble Dart Board

    6. Dictionary Index

    7. Ejecting seat in a helicopter

    8. Powered Water

    9. Pedal Powered Wheel Chair

    10. Waterproof Teabag

    Q:What are 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
    A: Air Pockets

    Q:Why did the blonde have square tits?
    A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box

    Q:Whats a blonde with 2 brain cells called?
    A: Pregnant

    Q:How did you know the Blonde was using your computer?
    A:The joystick is wet

    Q:How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
    A:She fell out of the tree

    Q:How did the blonde fall into the sink?
    A:She was tap dancing

    Q:What do you do when the blonde throws a grenade at you?
    A:pull the pin and throw it back

    Q:Whats the difference between a "SMART" blonde and BigFoot?
    A:Bigfoot has actually been spotted

    Q:Why does the blonde only change babys diaper once a month?
    A: It says "Good for up to 20LBS"

    Thats all i got tonight. Enjoy:)

  16. hewybo

    hewybo TS Maniac Posts: 435

  17. hewybo

    hewybo TS Maniac Posts: 435

    Way to live!


    I think the life cycle is all backwards

    You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

    Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

    You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your
    pension, then

    when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
    You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your

    You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and
    you get

    Ready For High School.

    You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no
    responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

    You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
    spa-like conditions;

    central heating, room service on tap, larger
    quarters every day.

    And then, you finish off as an orgasm.

    I rest my case.
  18. CMH

    CMH TechSpot Chancellor Posts: 2,039   +9


    I like the idea. Now... convince God. Anyone seen him lately?
  19. tomrca

    tomrca TS Rookie Posts: 1,000

    letter to dad

    Subject: Letter To Dad

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the
    bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was
    addressed, "DAD". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
    read the letter with trembling hands:

    Dear Dad,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
    Mom and you.

    I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes.
    But it's not only the passion, Dad - she's pregnant and Barbara
    assures me that we will be very happy.
    Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older
    than I am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood enough for the w hole winter.
    She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one
    of my dreams too.
    Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and
    we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends forall the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
    In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for aids so that Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!!

    Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take
    care of myself.
    Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Your Son, John

    PS: Dad, None of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk center drawer.

  20. howard_hopkinso

    howard_hopkinso TS Rookie Posts: 24,177   +19

    Thread merged.

    Very funny mate lol.

    Regards Howard :)
  21. tomrca

    tomrca TS Rookie Posts: 1,000

    9. Pedal Powered Wheel Chair

    strangely enough pedal power wheelchairs is an old way of getting around for disabled people back in the 50's and maybe into early 60's
    ask howard he will remember.
    promise i am not trying to spoil your joke:grinthumb
    check this out lol here
  22. talmont

    talmont TS Rookie

    Jokes, Oldies But Goodies

    Windows (no that isn't the joke, keep reading) ...
    Windows has decided that in order to more fully entertain and provide usable computer access to everyone their new product to replace Xobx 360 and Vista will provide the Mobility of Windows CE, the gaming drive and freedom of Windows ME, and the structure of the tried and True Windows NT for the new standard in Microsoft technology:
    Windows CeMeNT.


    Three ladies are running from the police, they enter into an outdoor mall and attempt to hide. The Red Head finds a bag and hops in, the blond and brunette follow suit.
    When the police arrive, they begin checking over EVERYTHING. One officer kicks the first bag he sees to check for people hiding. The Red Head in the bag meows, the officer moves on muttering about cats.
    The next bag the officer comes to he also kicks, the brunette follows suit and barks, the officer moves on muttering about dogs.
    The officer arrives at the final bag and kicks it as well the blond says "Potato, Potato!"


    And for the ladies:

    Q: How many woman does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None the the "" work in the dark!
    Q: Why do brides where white?
    A: Because the dishwasher must match the stove and fridge doesn't she?


    How do Americans spell 'RedNeck" B U S H

    Q: What do you call someone who can speak three or more languages?
    A: Multi-Lingual
    Q: What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
    A: Tri-Lingual
    Q: What do you call someone who can speak two languages?
    A: Bi-Lingual
    Q: What do you call someone who can only speak one language?
    A: American.

    Ok flame away!
  23. tomrca

    tomrca TS Rookie Posts: 1,000

    bush is at it again lol

    bush is at it again

    Attached Files:

  24. Rage_3K_Moiz

    Rage_3K_Moiz Sith Lord Topic Starter Posts: 5,443   +38

    Hilarious! Well done tomrca.:grinthumb
    That being said, should really sticky this thread in the TS Meeting Spot forums. Would act as a nice ice-breaker as well as a respite from the tech talk, dontchathink?
  25. tomrca

    tomrca TS Rookie Posts: 1,000

    joke part 1

    joke part 1

    Attached Files:

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