The jokes thread
- Thread starter Rage_3K_Moiz
- Start date
Rage_3K_Moiz
Posts: 5,403 +43
LOL that comment fits right in with that pic of Mr. Garrison from SP!taylub said:
AMDIsTheBest010
Posts: 359 +0
you want to have some fun?
Go down to your local Arbys fast food (US) and order yourself 3cheddar roast beef sanbitches, with no fires or drink just the sanbitch. Your order will come up to $4.81, give that sucker in there $10.03 and sit back and watch the fun begin. Its so funny to see how long it takes those kids in there come up with $5.22, one time i even had to tell the guy what my change was.
...AMD
Go down to your local Arbys fast food (US) and order yourself 3cheddar roast beef sanbitches, with no fires or drink just the sanbitch. Your order will come up to $4.81, give that sucker in there $10.03 and sit back and watch the fun begin. Its so funny to see how long it takes those kids in there come up with $5.22, one time i even had to tell the guy what my change was.
...AMD
AMDIsTheBest010
Posts: 359 +0
yet another joke
A kid is sleeping with his parents in there bed when its thunderstorming, however he wakes up to his mom and dad having sex.
Mommy whats that? Thats my vagina but its called and "Aunt"
Dad whats that? Thats my Penis, but you can call it "Uncle"
Next day kid goes walking downstairs and his moms cutting a turkey for Dinner, and she cuts herself and says "****",
Whats "****" mommy? Ohh, thats means to cut a turkey.
Ok
The kid walks up stairs and his dads shaving and cuts himslef and says "****"
Whats "****" daddy? Ohh, it means to take a crap
Ok.
Door bell rings, the kid answers the dor and its his aunt and uncle.
"Hi Penis and Vagina, My moms ****ing a Turkey and my Dads taking a ****."
Moral of the story:
Never lie to your kids
...AMD
A kid is sleeping with his parents in there bed when its thunderstorming, however he wakes up to his mom and dad having sex.
Mommy whats that? Thats my vagina but its called and "Aunt"
Dad whats that? Thats my Penis, but you can call it "Uncle"
Next day kid goes walking downstairs and his moms cutting a turkey for Dinner, and she cuts herself and says "****",
Whats "****" mommy? Ohh, thats means to cut a turkey.
Ok
The kid walks up stairs and his dads shaving and cuts himslef and says "****"
Whats "****" daddy? Ohh, it means to take a crap
Ok.
Door bell rings, the kid answers the dor and its his aunt and uncle.
"Hi Penis and Vagina, My moms ****ing a Turkey and my Dads taking a ****."
Moral of the story:
Never lie to your kids
...AMD
AMDIsTheBest010
Posts: 359 +0
lol, thats very true
Very Hot lady walks into a doctors office and says:
"I have a condition I need you to check out"
The doctor begins to rub her sides, and says "do you know what im doing now?"
"Yes, checking for abnormalities"
The doctor then begins to feel her breasts. "do you know what im doing now?
"yes checking for breast cancer" says the lady
The doctor then takes off his clothes and climbs ontop of her on the examining bed.
"Do you know what im doing now?" asks the doctor.
"Yes, getting Herpes thats what i was here about" says the lady
Moral of the story:
Always listen to the full story first
...AMD
Very Hot lady walks into a doctors office and says:
"I have a condition I need you to check out"
The doctor begins to rub her sides, and says "do you know what im doing now?"
"Yes, checking for abnormalities"
The doctor then begins to feel her breasts. "do you know what im doing now?
"yes checking for breast cancer" says the lady
The doctor then takes off his clothes and climbs ontop of her on the examining bed.
"Do you know what im doing now?" asks the doctor.
"Yes, getting Herpes thats what i was here about" says the lady
Moral of the story:
Always listen to the full story first
...AMD
Rage_3K_Moiz
Posts: 5,403 +43
ROTFL! Nice one AMD! :grinthumbAMDIsTheBest010 said:lol, thats very true
Very Hot lady walks into a doctors office and says:
"I have a condition I need you to check out"
The doctor begins to rub her sides, and says "do you know what im doing now?"
"Yes, checking for abnormalities"
The doctor then begins to feel her breasts. "do you know what im doing now?
"yes checking for breast cancer" says the lady
The doctor then takes off his clothes and climbs ontop of her on the examining bed.
"Do you know what im doing now?" asks the doctor.
"Yes, getting Herpes thats what i was here about" says the lady
Moral of the story:
Always listen to the full story first
...AMD
hynesy
Posts: 377 +1
hell yeah AMD, your the joke king...
Top Ten Reasons Why Computers are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Also, top ten places to visit
10. Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
9. Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
8. Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
7. Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
6. Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
5. Tittybong (Australia)
4. Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
3. Climax (Colorado, USA)
2. Bastard (Norway)
1. Wank (Germany)
Well thats my world tour
Top Ten Reasons Why Computers are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Also, top ten places to visit
10. Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
9. Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
8. Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
7. Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
6. Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
5. Tittybong (Australia)
4. Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
3. Climax (Colorado, USA)
2. Bastard (Norway)
1. Wank (Germany)
Well thats my world tour
Rage_3K_Moiz
Posts: 5,403 +43
HAHA! That was even better than AMD's! :grinthumb
AMDIsTheBest010
Posts: 359 +0
here are some blonde jokes for ya. Now please if anyone has blonde hair, these are just jokes, not serious.
Top Ten Blonde Inventions:
1. Waterproof Towel
2. Solar Powered Flashlight
3. Submarine Screen Door
4. Books on how to read
5. Inflateble Dart Board
6. Dictionary Index
7. Ejecting seat in a helicopter
8. Powered Water
9. Pedal Powered Wheel Chair
10. Waterproof Teabag
Q:What are 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q:Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box
Q:Whats a blonde with 2 brain cells called?
A: Pregnant
Q:How did you know the Blonde was using your computer?
A:The joystick is wet
Q:How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
A:She fell out of the tree
Q:How did the blonde fall into the sink?
A:She was tap dancing
Q:What do you do when the blonde throws a grenade at you?
Aull the pin and throw it back
Q:Whats the difference between a "SMART" blonde and BigFoot?
A:Bigfoot has actually been spotted
Q:Why does the blonde only change babys diaper once a month?
A: It says "Good for up to 20LBS"
Thats all i got tonight. Enjoy
...AMD
Top Ten Blonde Inventions:
1. Waterproof Towel
2. Solar Powered Flashlight
3. Submarine Screen Door
4. Books on how to read
5. Inflateble Dart Board
6. Dictionary Index
7. Ejecting seat in a helicopter
8. Powered Water
9. Pedal Powered Wheel Chair
10. Waterproof Teabag
Q:What are 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q:Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box
Q:Whats a blonde with 2 brain cells called?
A: Pregnant
Q:How did you know the Blonde was using your computer?
A:The joystick is wet
Q:How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
A:She fell out of the tree
Q:How did the blonde fall into the sink?
A:She was tap dancing
Q:What do you do when the blonde throws a grenade at you?
A
ull the pin and throw it backQ:Whats the difference between a "SMART" blonde and BigFoot?
A:Bigfoot has actually been spotted
Q:Why does the blonde only change babys diaper once a month?
A: It says "Good for up to 20LBS"
Thats all i got tonight. Enjoy
...AMD
hewybo
Posts: 417 +0
hewybo
Posts: 417 +0
Way to live!
HOW COME WE CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS?????
I think the life cycle is all backwards
You should start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your
pension, then
when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and
you get
Ready For High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions;
central heating, room service on tap, larger
quarters every day.
And then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
HOW COME WE CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS?????
I think the life cycle is all backwards
You should start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your
pension, then
when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your
retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and
you get
Ready For High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions;
central heating, room service on tap, larger
quarters every day.
And then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
tomrca
Posts: 924 +3
letter to dad
Subject: Letter To Dad
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was
addressed, "DAD". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion, Dad - she's pregnant and Barbara
assures me that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older
than I am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood enough for the w hole winter.
She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and
we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends forall the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for aids so that Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take
care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your Son, John
PS: Dad, None of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk center drawer.
I LOVE YOU!
Subject: Letter To Dad
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was
addressed, "DAD". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion, Dad - she's pregnant and Barbara
assures me that we will be very happy.
Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older
than I am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood enough for the w hole winter.
She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too.
Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and
we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends forall the cocaine and ecstasy we need.
In the meantime, we pray that science will find a cure for aids so that Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take
care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your Son, John
PS: Dad, None of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk center drawer.
I LOVE YOU!
howard_hopkinso
Posts: 21,238 +17
Thread merged.
Very funny mate lol.
Regards Howard
Very funny mate lol.
Regards Howard
tomrca
Posts: 924 +3
Jokes, Oldies But Goodies
Windows (no that isn't the joke, keep reading) ...
<cough>
Windows has decided that in order to more fully entertain and provide usable computer access to everyone their new product to replace Xobx 360 and Vista will provide the Mobility of Windows CE, the gaming drive and freedom of Windows ME, and the structure of the tried and True Windows NT for the new standard in Microsoft technology:
Windows CeMeNT.
^^^^
Three ladies are running from the police, they enter into an outdoor mall and attempt to hide. The Red Head finds a bag and hops in, the blond and brunette follow suit.
When the police arrive, they begin checking over EVERYTHING. One officer kicks the first bag he sees to check for people hiding. The Red Head in the bag meows, the officer moves on muttering about cats.
The next bag the officer comes to he also kicks, the brunette follows suit and barks, the officer moves on muttering about dogs.
The officer arrives at the final bag and kicks it as well the blond says "Potato, Potato!"
^^^^
And for the ladies:
Q: How many woman does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None the the "" work in the dark!
Q: Why do brides where white?
A: Because the dishwasher must match the stove and fridge doesn't she?
^^^^
How do Americans spell 'RedNeck" B U S H
^^^^
Q: What do you call someone who can speak three or more languages?
A: Multi-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
A: Tri-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can speak two languages?
A: Bi-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can only speak one language?
A: American.
^^^
Ok flame away!
Windows (no that isn't the joke, keep reading) ...
<cough>
Windows has decided that in order to more fully entertain and provide usable computer access to everyone their new product to replace Xobx 360 and Vista will provide the Mobility of Windows CE, the gaming drive and freedom of Windows ME, and the structure of the tried and True Windows NT for the new standard in Microsoft technology:
Windows CeMeNT.
^^^^
Three ladies are running from the police, they enter into an outdoor mall and attempt to hide. The Red Head finds a bag and hops in, the blond and brunette follow suit.
When the police arrive, they begin checking over EVERYTHING. One officer kicks the first bag he sees to check for people hiding. The Red Head in the bag meows, the officer moves on muttering about cats.
The next bag the officer comes to he also kicks, the brunette follows suit and barks, the officer moves on muttering about dogs.
The officer arrives at the final bag and kicks it as well the blond says "Potato, Potato!"
^^^^
And for the ladies:
Q: How many woman does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None the the "" work in the dark!
Q: Why do brides where white?
A: Because the dishwasher must match the stove and fridge doesn't she?
^^^^
How do Americans spell 'RedNeck" B U S H
^^^^
Q: What do you call someone who can speak three or more languages?
A: Multi-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can speak three languages?
A: Tri-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can speak two languages?
A: Bi-Lingual
Q: What do you call someone who can only speak one language?
A: American.
^^^
Ok flame away!
Rage_3K_Moiz
Posts: 5,403 +43
Hilarious! Well done tomrca.:grinthumb
That being said, should really sticky this thread in the TS Meeting Spot forums. Would act as a nice ice-breaker as well as a respite from the tech talk, dontchathink?
That being said, should really sticky this thread in the TS Meeting Spot forums. Would act as a nice ice-breaker as well as a respite from the tech talk, dontchathink?
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