What video game non-sense are you too old for?

[Julio Franco]

I am old, Gandalf. I know I don’t look it, but I’m beginning to feel it in my heart. I’m in my mid-30s, and as of tomorrow I’ll officially be in my mider-30s. In video game years, that means I’m like 90. I’ve finally reached an age where I am allowed to stop doing stuff I never wanted to do in the first place. I excuse myself with the time-tested words of Roger Murtaugh: “I’m too old for this shit.”

A list of video game non-sense that I’m too old for includes:

Managing my friends lists even a tiny bit.

I have like eight different video game friends lists, and each one is a shambles. The thought of organizing them makes me want to just delete all of my accounts.

Keeping track of saved games.

There was a time when I would carefully preserve my saved games. Those days are gone. It’s probably in the cloud, right? If it’s not, whatever, I’ll probably just start a new game.

Engaging with Uplay and Origin beyond the bare minimum required.

I don’t even remember my usernames for either service. I think one is still synced to my Yahoo email?

Syncing third-party accounts and publisher rewards programs.

I do not need a Square Enix account. I do not want to be in the Rockstar Social Club. I do not want to sync my game to unlock unique rewards. I do not want to sign up for special offers or get emails. I want to play games.

Caring about my own achievements.

I don’t care about Xbox achievements. I don’t know what my gamerscore is. I think my PS4 is still trying to sync its trophies.

Voice activation.

I don’t just mean Kinect here, I mean everything. I don’t want to talk to technology. My neighbors would hear me.

Motion control.

Please, let it truly be dead. VR gets a pass. For now.

Bad tutorials.

If another pop-up box interrupts me I’m just going to stop playing.

Entering a LastPass-generated password with a game controller.

(Looks down at phone.) (Enters three more digits of password.) (Looks down at phone.) (Sees how many digits are remaining.) (Ponders moving to the Alaskan wilderness.)

Entering my credit card information with a game controller.

I always get at least one number wrong and have to go back and enter it all over again.

Entering a download code with a game controller.

I get these wrong more often than my credit card number.

Fast-forwarding a movie with a game controller.

If I breathe on it wrong it skips all the way to the end, usually right to the scene where the guy’s best friend dies.

Basically doing anything with a game controller other than playing games.

It’s pretty good for that one thing, but terrible for everything else.

Waiting more than three minutes for matchmaking.

My party and I can only make so much small talk before we begin to wonder what’s going on.

Not immediately bailing on a doomed multiplayer session.

I understand you think we’ll beat Oryx or Aksis on our twelfth try, but it’s time to take the L and quit while we’re behind.

Playing a bad game to see if it’ll get better.

It’s not going to get better.

Console wars.

I don’t care.

Pretending I’m even considering the GameStop clerk’s preorder pitch.

You seem nice, GameStop clerk, but I’m too old to pretend I’m even considering pre-ordering games from you. Just sell me my thing and let me leave.

Keeping everything charged.

When I need a controller, I just grab a couple and turn them on until I get lucky and find one with a charge. It’s worked okay so far.

Waiting for an update to download if it’s more than like 1MB.

Oh, I need to download an update before I can play? Cool, I’m going to go do literally anything else and forget this game even exists.

Caring if I’m bad at a game.

I beat Bloodborne. That’s enough.

I’ll never be too old for video games. I’ll play these things when I’m ancient and busted and reclining in the VR hub of my post-retirement hibernation tube. In fact, the older I get, the more I care about certain aspects of games. But I’ve spent so many years trying to get my gaming life perfectly dialed in, running smoothly with a minimum of headaches and distractions and hindrances. It just isn’t possible, and part of getting older is learning to be okay with that.

This article was originally posted on Kotaku. Republished with permission. Illustration by Angelica Alzona

Permalink to story.

https://www.techspot.com/news/69940-what-video-game-non-sense-you-old.html

 

[TrexAverell]

Thank God I'm not too old for many of these shits. I just don't have time or money for it

 

[Trillionsin]

Getting banned from online server for being a suspected cheater. I'm not. I don't give enough F**KS to go to their website to remove the ban.

"trillionsin: hey I think you may have banned me. I'm just wondering if you could tell me what rule I broke?
BumRush: yeah I banned you little hacking piece of **** you're not coming back either asshat
trillionsin: I was trying real hard not to shoot through walls or smoke, anything like that.
trillionsin: oh... I am not hacking though. but okay
BumRush: stfu ****ing shithead **** off and die *******
trillionsin: was playing earlier with another NEC member, he was fine.
trillionsin: no need to be so rude.
trillionsin: thats all you had to say.
BumRush: I just looked at the films of you wall hacking dirtbag little ppunk loser
BumRush is now Offline.
BumRush is currently offline, they will receive your message the next time they log in."​

Too old for this ****.

If anyone wants to looks at my "films" at me on Steam. lol
Original Black Ops. Yes, this old *** game.

 

[psycros]

Sounds like what he's too old for is consoles. As a PC gamer I'm too old for crap like:

Pay-to-win.
Day one DLC.
Early access.
Crowdsourcing (I.e. pay and pray)
Pre-ordering.
Buggy launches - I typically wait six months to even touch a new game.
Online-only games.
Games that require you to be online.
Console handicaps on PC games like console style camera control.
Zombies in games that really aren't about zombies.
"Extreme" sports in games that aren't really about extreme sports.
Political activism and historically non-existent "diversity" that turns a game into a face-palming farce.
Pistol sniping.
Parkour.
Nudity, profanity and other sophomoric content for the sake of making a game seem edgy rather than actually being intrinsic to the story.
Terrible reboots of once-great games that are an insult to both old-timers and newcomers.

I could go on and on..

 

[r8bwp]

At 53 I know this feeling, The games are all the same nothing new, variants of a hit game, like film franchises(terminator 69), or the pay to win games to get some crap weapon or spend weeks farming, or going on some server where some douchebag is now a God and obliterates the noobs from boredom. Persistant hackers or trolls who delight in wrecking any pleasure you have left.
The lack of response from gamesmasters condoning,turning a blind eye for their friends but should you use the game mechanics to beat said friends will go crying to the devs and change the game(Fallen earth)

Never bought a console as I always considered it to be blackmail.....buy my console(crap hardware)or don`t play my game.

Recently did a quick audit of my gaming time 16,000+ over 10 years and it was a quick audit(steam and ea)
The games in my library have lost their lustre, the games bought in a sale never played or will be.

The games you play which you can stop at anytime or save but fill time before commitments or responsibilities arrive.

I have become Victor Meldrew "I don`t believe it!"

 

[yRaz]

I stopped really playing games 6-7 years ago. There is maybe 2 every year that ill drop 50ish hours into.

Aside from that, once you start learning how to adult then you find plenty of other adult things to do than play vidya. I'm not talking about just sex, either. As an adult there are so many things you can do its almost a sin to play games I stead of embark on your adult adventures

 

[Nobina]

I hate that every game has it's own launcher which includes a couple more games that I don't care about. Steam is enough. If I see a game like that I wont bother with it.

One other thing I absolutely hate is long and disruptive tutorials. I remeber trying to play NFS Rivals a long time ago and first 30min were just tutorials you can't skip, even minimizing the game pauses the tutorial. What is so hard to understand in a racing game?

 

[Mister_K]

I am 23, work, girlfriend and my personal well-being like exercise and bettering my skills get in the bloody way. I wish I was 15 again, playing games from morning till evening, pulling all nighters at my friends house while bonging out the room.

Good times.

__

This one time, 4 of us were playing Diablo 3 Hardcore. First one that died had to neck a small bottle of absinthe. 4 hours later, someone died, ***** only drank half haha.

#coolstorybro

 

[Morris Minor]

Lol 23... You yanks love putting games in the way of drinking.

 

[SirDigby]

Mate I relate to half that list at 20. Doing anything with a controller other than gaming is a mess.

 

[failquail]

"Voice activation.

I don’t just mean Kinect here, I mean everything. I don’t want to talk to technology. My neighbors would hear me."

Too old, nope, not really. Mandatory voice-activated *anything* I've hated with a passion since the first day* I encountered that abomination

Less age and more social anxiety (probably other things too, a psychologist could probably elaborate) I've never even willingly left a voicemail message unless absolutely necessary

Whilst I can see the attraction (eg. Star trek makes it look good) it's not something I'll ever likely be comfortable with. In all other tech things though, I'm mostly on-board 100%... This confuses friends I've mentioned this voice-control thing to

*Automated phone services, that were voice only with no touch-tone option being the first horrific examples.

 

[Brock Kane]

So, you're in your mid 30's. Feels more like 90. Well my friend I am in my mid 50's, so I must be dead! But, I concur!

For me, even finishing a game is a feat! Hell, getting stuck in a game (which happens a lot) loses my interest quickly. I'm even tired of Googling to help me get past that part. I have over 150 Steam games as well as Uplay and Origin games. 90% I will never finish! And don't care, but I keep buying games. My friends list is small, family, friends, co workers.....don't need 100 or more friends, I just don't play as much as I used to.

I love FPS games, but I don't have the speed I used to. Trying to keep up with the smartass teenagers is impossible. So playing online shooters, I'm usually last or second to last in any given match! But don't care, just like to be someone's target I guess. LOL

My main complaint (in single player games) is a wave of enemies. I like to explore, enjoy the beautiful world and amazing graphic design by the Developer. But no, don't have time for that, have to kill or run for my life to look around and take in the scenery. Give me less fighting and more exploring please! I'm too old and tired to fight all the time! And sometimes (easy settings) are not easy enough.

But even through all that misery, I still love (computer) gaming.

 

[TheSolarisGuru]

Nailed it. I’m 33 with two kids and I feel the same way. Last week I had the urge to play Paladins. I opened the game, launcher appeared, and it started downloading a huge patch..... NOPE. Closed it, uninstalled the game. Don’t with that **** for good.

 

[Brock Kane]

Nailed it. I’m 33 with two kids and I feel the same way. Last week I had the urge to play Paladins. I opened the game, launcher appeared, and it started downloading a huge patch..... NOPE. Closed it, uninstalled the game. Don’t with that **** for good.

I totally get that! Seems the updates can have very bad timing. You have about 30 minutes of time to enjoy your favorite game, then nope! You have only 10 minutes of playing time because of a 20 minute download! Frustrating!

 

[stewi0001]

I'm definitely too old for trolls, people acting like they're the best and your just a loser, hackers, being accused of hacking. In other words, online multiplayer games.

Having kids and a wife, I don't really have time for that anyways. I need games that I can pause and step away from without the game punishing me.

 

[OcelotRex]

Does Kotaku cross posts from whiny authors count?

A lot of Kirk's issues are console specific like buying from GameStop, and dealing with controllers (though Xbox 360 allowed wireless keyboards for text input so I'd imagine the One does as well). Some I cannot get on board with:

• Keeping everything charged.
• Waiting for an update to download if it’s more than like 1MB.
• Engaging with Uplay and Origin beyond the bare minimum required.

Charging shouldn't be an issue for those with Xbox controllers. I know they get a lot of grief for not including the rechargeable battery with the controller but I feel it's better to get AA rechargeable, 4 per controller, and you need not ever wait for a charge. They take less than 3 hours to charge fully and 2 lsat for 20+ hours.

Hating up updates is just wrong at this point and shows entitlement. With all the improvements and game fixes that developers can pass along the time is not well worth the improvement.

Not all games are on Steam and keeping up with a few more clients is not difficult for adults. Add to that the giveaways on Origin and Uplay and I think we're rewarded enough for the effort.

It's an amazing time to be a gamer with the abundance of choice, the quality titles, and the massive backlogs of past PC and console games we're getting access to. Like a poster above the only thing I've gotten too old for is the other people who game and try to ruin the experience for others. Spoilers in threads, the canned response to "play better," and public voice chat in general turn me off. Luckily I stick to single player experiences with the number of kids I have so the last one is gone.

 

[Brock Kane]

Does Kotaku cross posts from whiny authors count?

A lot of Kirk's issues are console specific like buying from GameStop, and dealing with controllers (though Xbox 360 allowed wireless keyboards for text input so I'd imagine the One does as well). Some I cannot get on board with:

• Keeping everything charged.
• Waiting for an update to download if it’s more than like 1MB.
• Engaging with Uplay and Origin beyond the bare minimum required.

Charging shouldn't be an issue for those with Xbox controllers. I know they get a lot of grief for not including the rechargeable battery with the controller but I feel it's better to get AA rechargeable, 4 per controller, and you need not ever wait for a charge. They take less than 3 hours to charge fully and 2 lsat for 20+ hours.

Hating up updates is just wrong at this point and shows entitlement. With all the improvements and game fixes that developers can pass along the time is not well worth the improvement.

Not all games are on Steam and keeping up with a few more clients is not difficult for adults. Add to that the giveaways on Origin and Uplay and I think we're rewarded enough for the effort.

It's an amazing time to be a gamer with the abundance of choice, the quality titles, and the massive backlogs of past PC and console games we're getting access to. Like a poster above the only thing I've gotten too old for is the other people who game and try to ruin the experience for others. Spoilers in threads, the canned response to "play better," and public voice chat in general turn me off. Luckily I stick to single player experiences with the number of kids I have so the last one is gone.

I think he needs to get away from console gaming anyway and get with the big boys of Computer Gaming!

 

[OcelotRex]

I think he needs to get away from console gaming anyway and get with the big boys of Computer Gaming!

Consoles have great value both in their cost and their portability. Combine what Microsoft is doing with Xbox and Win10 and they are complementing each other very well.

 

[Brock Kane]

Consoles have great value both in their cost and their portability. Combine what Microsoft is doing with Xbox and Win10 and they are complementing each other very well.

Agreed! I just believe you get many more gaming options with PC's than Consoles. More games, better graphics and lots of hardware upgrading. If you want a more powerful Console, you'll have to wait for the next version to be released!

But yeah, nice to see Microsoft get on the PC gaming bandwagon. About time! I always thought it was very ironic that microsoft would be so against PC gaming for the longest time. When 90% of gamers would use (Windows) to play games!

But they too (finally) see the Power of PC Gamers and their hunger for it!

 

[davislane1]

1. Too old to care what anyone thinks about X game or platform.

 

[Brock Kane]

I'm too old for this ****! ----> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q37xJtuQ24w

 

[Skidmarksdeluxe]

Mate I relate to half that list at 20. Doing anything with a controller other than gaming is a mess.

Playing games? You're good. I only thing I've found a console controller any good for is driving virtual cars & flying virtual planes. They suck at everything else and I suck at using them.

 

[Dimitrios]

So, you're in your mid 30's. Feels more like 90. Well my friend I am in my mid 50's, so I must be dead! But, I concur!

For me, even finishing a game is a feat! Hell, getting stuck in a game (which happens a lot) loses my interest quickly. I'm even tired of Googling to help me get past that part. I have over 150 Steam games as well as Uplay and Origin games. 90% I will never finish! And don't care, but I keep buying games. My friends list is small, family, friends, co workers.....don't need 100 or more friends, I just don't play as much as I used to.

I love FPS games, but I don't have the speed I used to. Trying to keep up with the smartass teenagers is impossible. So playing online shooters, I'm usually last or second to last in any given match! But don't care, just like to be someone's target I guess. LOL

My main complaint (in single player games) is a wave of enemies. I like to explore, enjoy the beautiful world and amazing graphic design by the Developer. But no, don't have time for that, have to kill or run for my life to look around and take in the scenery. Give me less fighting and more exploring please! I'm too old and tired to fight all the time! And sometimes (easy settings) are not easy enough.

But even through all that misery, I still love (computer) gaming.

Same here! Thank god I'm not the only one that thinks like this.

 

[Uncle Al]

I simply will not play games on line against other players. Far too many are spoiled, rotten children that don't know the meaning of fairness or honesty. When it started to spread to the 50 and older crowd, that's when I called it quits. So for the game makers, if you don't make single player games, you get none of my retirement cash!

 

[SirDigby]

Playing games? You're good. I only thing I've found a console controller any good for is driving virtual cars & flying virtual planes. They suck at everything else and I suck at using them.

TBF I really struggled to fly planes in GTA5 until I realised you can use the keyboard numberpad, I thought it was just the mouse. Until then I plugged in the controller :')