Ideas to make F1 "more exciting"

[Archean]

Taking into account Bernie's annual ritual of coming up with something ridiculously preposterous, Mathew Norman wrote a very interesting article discussing various ideas to make F1 more interesting.

I like the idea of letting loose a Cobra in F1 Car's cockpit though, should make the drivers become more racier

 

[dividebyzero]

Sounds like a few sure fire winners. I'd probably add:

Race length determined by a random number gererator. Everyone to be informed one minute before the scheduled race finish. Screw tactics, just hammer down.

All drivers must keep up a twitter race commentary. Time penalties assessed for lack of coherence, non-punctual tweeting and use of old , or forced memes

Compulsory barrel-proof liquor shots for drivers at pit stops - Either arbitrary or dice roll for number of shots to consume. All shots need to be consumed by the time the crew finish pitting the car.

F1 Decathlon: Drivers must complete a task every lap - unwrap and hang a little pine tree air freshener, manually tune a freshly installed radio, consume a large burger, fries and milkshake then thoughtfully dispose of the litter, extricate loose change from under the seat etc.

Celebrity wild-card F1 licenses. Who wouldn't pay to see Vern Troyer mix it with the big boys? Stephen Hawking put those wheelchair skills to good use?, or Charlie Sheen really try for some winning ? Maybe Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan teaming up in a drivers ed car with dual controls.

 

[Archean]

I think Sheen would be better off in safety car with his two girlfriends and wife waving black flags at drivers who violate any of the new rules/requirements.

How about fitting a rocket underneath every driver's seat, if he drives slower, say below 300 km/ph avg lap speed for 10 laps, rocket can be triggered off sending him to join Tang Fu in the heavens.

By the way I like the idea of 'artificial rain' with one caveat, i.e. it should be unexpected at any given time during the race for say 5-10 laps.

 

[captaincranky]

I think Sheen would be better off in safety car with his two girlfriends and wife waving black flags at drivers who violate any of the new rules/requirements.

More like having one of his "godesses" drive, while hew sits in the back seat with his mirror, a needle, and a spoon.

IHow about fitting a rocket underneath every driver's seat, if he drives slower, say below 300 km/ph avg lap speed for 10 laps, rocket can be triggered off sending him to join Tang Fu in the heavens.

Has Tang Fu gone to the great beyond? I've been so lax at watching "Entertainment Tonight". Well there's that, and the fact I don't care, or even know who "Tang Fu" is.

Did you know it's said, you get an inch shorter every time you eject from a fighter jet? I'm jus' sayin', "one pill makes you larger, and ejection seats make you small"!

(With profound apologies to Lewis Carroll and Grace Slick).

 

[red1776]

Put Jeremy Clarkson behind the wheel. That will liven things up.

 

[captaincranky]

Put Jeremy Clarkson behind the wheel. That will liven things up.

Or perhaps Kelly Clarkson, although I doubt if she'd fit.

 

[Lurker101]

Don't be stupid. A jumped up Datsun nearly broke Clarksons neck. What do you think an F1 car would do to him?

And if Kelly Clarkson wouldn't fit, there's no way Jezza would fit.

 

[red1776]

Don't be stupid. A jumped up Datsun nearly broke Clarksons neck. What do you think an F1 car would do to him?

And if Kelly Clarkson wouldn't fit, there's no way Jezza would fit.

Right....what was I thinking!? :haha:
was that a Datsun that had the ambulance out there on the test track?

Or perhaps Kelly Clarkson, although I doubt if she'd fit.

Don't they make double wides?.....oh wait, thats Jessica Simpson.

 

[Lurker101]

It was a Nissan GT-R, and we all know that Nissan is just Datsun with the logo repainted

And we can't have Hammond doing the driving either, before you suggest it. He's already proven he can't handle a blow out on the track.

 

[red1776]

It was a Nissan GT-R, and we all know that Nissan is just Datsun with the logo repainted

absolutely correct

And we can't have Hammond doing the driving either, before you suggest it. He's already proven he can't handle a blow out on the track.

I wasn't going to suggest that...the hamster doesn't seem quite the same since his 300 mph crash does he?


****Captain slow handled the Veyron @ 267mph rather well.

 

[EXCellR8]

like my idea for NASCAR, other than abolishing it, i'd like to see half the pack go in the opposite direction on the track. that should make for some interesting driving...

but in all seriousness... if you get the chance play footage of a single corner on Spa or Monaco GP or something and compare Formula 1 to say Super GT or even F3. the difference in speed is mind-boggling. how they can even keep the cars on the track at that velocity is beyond me, serious reflexes and no fear of speed i guess..

 

[red1776]

like my idea for NASCAR, other than abolishing it, i'd like to see half the pack go in the opposite direction on the track. that should make for some interesting driving...

but in all seriousness... if you get the chance play footage of a single corner on Spa or Monaco GP or something and compare Formula 1 to say Super GT or even F3. the difference in speed is mind-boggling. how they can even keep the cars on the track at that velocity is beyond me, serious reflexes and no fear of speed i guess..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Downforce:D:p:wave:

Just kidding EXC

 

[Archean]

captaincranky said:
Has Tang Fu gone to the great beyond? I've been so lax at watching "Entertainment Tonight". Well there's that, and the fact I don't care, or even know who "Tang Fu" is.

Did you know it's said, you get an inch shorter every time you eject from a fighter jet? I'm jus' sayin', "one pill makes you larger, and ejection seats make you small"!

Tang Fu was the first person who tried to 'ride' a rocket (whatever you make out of this) hmm......

Secondly, I don't remember the exact measurement, people do get 'shorter' during the day anyway (because of gravity) and become taller when they sleep.

If Jezza is in an F1 car, the most likely scenario is his head will come off on the start/finish line as soon as KERS is activated.

How about having a race on race track designed on the figure 8 ? (as they suggested)

In the days of 1.44MB FDD, PC World (I think) sent a game in one disk along with their magazine, in which the vehicles would fly around the track and could fire missiles at the opponents who were ahead of the player, I think it too can be a good alternative ..... just an idea you know

 

[Benny26]

I seem to remember Jezza saying that setting them all on fire just before the start of the race would liven things up.

Gotta say...The man's got a point.

 

[Archean]

Or may be the pit crew should be all women, wearing bikinis ....... perhaps that will make them drive faster, requiring more frequent tyre changes in the process, and it will result in a) more pit stops b) may be more overtaking to get to pits before the other guy.

Beside, it would yield better results when compared to Jezza's fire idea and captain will like it (I guess)

 

[captaincranky]

Gentlemen Start Your Umbrellas.....!! (Huh)...????

Or may be the pit crew should be all women, wearing bikinis ....... perhaps that will make them drive faster, requiring more frequent tyre changes in the process, and it will result in a) more pit stops b) may be more overtaking to get to pits before the other guy.

Beside, it would yield better results when compared to Jezza's fire idea and captain will like it (I guess)

And indeed I do! However, it's already been done to death by the Japanese.... The Japanese, as a people, have a society wide fetish regarding spandex and "pleather", hot pants and bikinis. I not knocking this, but rather embrace it. That said, the girls are known as "race queens, or "umbrella girls". They take off most of their clothes, and, (ostensibly), shelter the drivers from the hot sun with their over sized umbrellas. (Which also double as billboards). (Of course).

Sooo...., alls ya gotta do is google, "race queens", (in general), or, "Midori Yamasaki" in particular to see this in action. Some other things to try might be "Zent Sweeties", Mayu Oya", Akane Souma, or "Endless Racing". As you might expect, I could go on and on.

 

[dividebyzero]

The Japanese, as a people, have a society wide fetish regarding spandex and "pleather", hot pants and bikinis....

...subways, tentacles, schoolgirl attire, S&M, '50's Americana...

Maybe the organisers for Suzuka in October could institute a few changes. I look forward to seeing how Ferrari's drivers and pit crew cope with race conditions whilst wearing Paul the Octopus costumes and simultaneously trying to molest McLarens schoolgirl crew.

 

[Lurker101]

If we can get back to talking about Jeremy Clarkson for just a moment, he actually covered this very topic back in 2008. He addressed how boring and dreary Formula 1 is and how to make a motorsport that people would actually enjoy watching. A lot of the moaning and complaining about F1 and how emotionally uninvolving it is, is in an article here, but the solution, as far as I'm concerned is to completely replace F1 with an idea here had here.

If we now have pro-celebrity golf and pro-celebrity tennis, why can we not have pro-celebrity motor racing?

It should be based on the British Touring Car Championship of the early to mid Nineties, when Volvo was fielding an estate car, the drivers were plainly out there to have fun and you absolutely never could tell whether the race was going to be won by Renault, Ford or BMW.

As was the case back then, each manufacturer would field two cars; only under my system, one would be driven by a professional racing driver, and one by someone from the performing arts. This way you could have Jason Plato partnered by Moira Stuart and Tiff Needell, partnered by - er - Tiff Needell. Their points from each event would be added together, so that the pro would be forced to help the am where possible.

The good thing about tin-topped touring cars is that the on-board cameras can see the driver's face as he bumps and bashes his way through corners. You'd need that, if you had Valerie Singleton at the helm. You'd want to see her cheeks puffed out in terror as she took the old hairpin at Donington, side by side with Darren Turner.

......

And finally, because the series would be overseen by a Minister of Common Sense - and that job would be mine - it'd be very cheap for the motor manufacturers. If any of them turned up with an aero package, like Alfa Romeo did in the mid Nineties, they could argue all they like that it was within the letter of the law, but I'd simply tell them to go back to their pit and take it off. And dock them five points for being *****.

I don't know about you lot, but personally, I think it's a fantastic idea, and to make it a little more interesting, I'd force the celebrities to have the proper performance cars and the professional drivers to have the 'attractive but a bit ****' cars. Even if it's only lesser celebrities, you'd still enjoy it. A lot more than you enjoy Formula 1 anyway. I'd add plenty of Red Button extras too, allowing you to view the cameras in each car and hear the radio chatter between teams. This, I think, is a truly brilliant idea and somebody needs to make it happen.

 

[hanssen]

it would be nice if more dangerous overtaking would be allowed!