Need a laff?

[learninmypc]

Called IT support as I was having problems with my computer at work. He said "Have you tried disabling cookies?". I replied "Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man".

 

[captaincranky]

You should have told him you once neutered a pit bull, by biting off its cookies.

 

[learninmypc]

You should have told him you once neutered a pit bull, by biting off its cookies.

F.W.I.W., that was a joke posted on twitter.

 

[captaincranky]

F.W.I.W., that was a joke posted on twitter.

And my reply was a joke posted on Techspot. I wasn't aware you weren't the author. (You shoulda kept your mouth shut. < (pun intended)).

 

[learninmypc]

From the same twitter poster
A Panda goes into a bar. After ordering food and some drinks it goes away but fires a gun before leaving. The bartender asks in amazement, what the hell is that for? The panda says check your dictionary. Dictionary: Panda - eats shoots and leaves.

 

[learninmypc]

I would tell you a joke my Apple Watch told me, but it’s only second-hand information

 

[learninmypc]

If anyone's interested? This summer the Goo Goo Dolls are the opening act for Lady Gaga. All newborns get in for free as a way to support the Goo Goo Gaga tour.

 

[learninmypc]

The next time your spouse gets angry, drape a towel over their shoulders and say “Now you’re SUPER ANGRY!” Maybe you’ll get a laugh, maybe you’ll die...

 

[captaincranky]

I would tell you a joke my Apple Watch told me, but it’s only second-hand information

 

[captaincranky]

The next time your spouse gets angry, drape a towel over their shoulders and say “Now you’re SUPER ANGRY!” Maybe you’ll get a laugh, maybe you’ll die...

Where I live, assuming the spouse is female, (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), a towel simply won't do the job. You'd need a "Queen size" blanket.

 

[learninmypc]

I was walking past a pet shop and a sign in the window said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’ I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and said to the assistant... ”How Dutch is that moggie in the window?”

 

[captaincranky]

You had me going with "pedigreed Netherlands", and "moggy". (British slang), I thought it might one of the Aussie gems.

How about, "how much is that Newfie in the bin, dawg"?

 

[learninmypc]

My friend was showing me his new golf ball. He told me, "You just can't lose this ball, if it goes in the rough it beeps, it glows in the dark, it floats in water and has an inbuilt G.P.S.." I said, "Where did you get it from?" He said, "I Found it".

 

[learninmypc]

Does anyone happen to know exactly where "Down Yonder" is?

 

[captaincranky]

Does anyone happen to know exactly where "Down Yonder" is?

There is no such place. Everyone knows it's named "Over Yonder".

 

[learninmypc]

The World Health Organisation has ruled dogs don't transmit the Corona virus and no longer have to be quarantined. WHO let the dogs out....

 

[learninmypc]

My son comes running into the room: “ Dad, you’re not going to believe it...the guy who played Wolverine in going to be in a Disney movie about sea cows.” Me: “Oh, the Hugh Manatee!”

 

[learninmypc]

My son comes running into the room: “ Dad, you’re not going to believe it...the guy who played Wolverine in going to be in a Disney movie about sea cows.” Me: “Oh, the Hugh Manatee!”

 

[learninmypc]

Man at the Palais de Dance:" Is that Hortense? Friend:"She looks perfectly calm to me."

 

[learninmypc]

This weekend I plan on being as useful as the letter G in Lasagna.

 

[learninmypc]

Interesting fact: t-shirt stands for Tyrannosaurus Shirt..... Because of the short arms...

 

[learninmypc]

Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a following sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says. “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail”

 

[learninmypc]

Local law enforcement announced that a vandal spray painted the message "The words of the prophets" on the side of a local Subway restaurant. The police said they have a non-blonde person of interest who recently attended a Simon and Garfunkel concert.

 

[learninmypc]

I heard that one bird can't screw in a light bulb? But toucan!

 

[learninmypc]

I heard the Russians are looking at ways of poisoning honey. Watch out for cagey bees....