Well sorry to report, the airborne scenario wouldn't work with a jetliner, they don't actually have dive brakes. The fat people in the back, would be pinned against the rear of the aircraft as the plane accelerated.
I suppose you could try applying the thrust reversers in a mock landing configuration, but at those speeds, if they could be applied, they would likely rip the engines off the wings. After which, s**, (which traditionally rolls downhill) indeed would, as well as the fat people, (and everybody else for that matter, (although God only knows how few nonfat people there would actually be on board these days)), when the aircraft contacted the ground in a forced dis-assembly maneuver.