James Brown's Hair Story

By kirock
Jan 3, 2007
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  1. Most people know the story of James Brown and his illustrious career which lead to his nickname the “Godfather of Soul”, but few know the story of James Brown’s hair.

    Like James his hair was born into poverty and it struggled through school academically and socially, never making any close friends and often getting into fights in the playground over silly things like Shea Butter versus hairspray.

    By the age of sixteen his hair dropped out of high school and flipped from one petty job to another over the next four years. It worked as a short order cook at a local greasy spoon in Augusta, Georgia for a few months until customers complained. It had another brief stint at a hair salon for women in Kansas City but had a run in with a curling iron and choked it to death. For that it spent a year in the Big Hair House where it learned about relaxers, texturizers, breads and even the underground world of Afros. This seemed to change James Brown’s hair completely and it came out harder and tougher but with a strong sheen in its eye.

    A few weeks after its release, James Brown’s hair met, through his parole officer, another great hair (who would go on to team up with Little Richard) and it introduced him to the manager of the Apollo Theatre on West 125th St in Harlem, New York city.
    James Brown’s hair took a job at the Apollo Theatre as a backstage hand sweeping up (mostly after itself) after shows. It was here that James and it met and the two hit it off famously, talking into the wee hours of the night about licks and curls and rifts. Those that were there swear neither understood what the other was really talking about but that didn’t matter and the friendship was bonded forever. James remained the big name on the ticket throughout their career together but the hair enjoyed its claim to fame and even played a part in upstaging the Rolling Stones at The T.A.M.I Show in 1965.

    In 1984 James Brown’s hair collapsed for weeks and languished in their hotel room after hearing the news of Michael Jackson’s hair being set on fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial. As it was years before James’ hair forced him to drop the name James Brown and the Famous Flames after weeks of nightmares after seeing a Tina Turner concert together.

    James Brown, the master of funk and soul and R&B will be greatly missed by many, but some of us will also remember and miss his unsung and silent partner, his wonderful hair.

  2. Jesse_hz

    Jesse_hz TS Maniac Posts: 545

    Tried reading this again, but I'm still like "wtf?". Maybe you should post this on uncyclopedia?
  3. kirock

    kirock TS Rookie Topic Starter Posts: 1,221

    Umm, it's meant to be humour, I've always thought JB's hair looked like it came from another planet so I sort of tried to write a little story giving his hair a mind of it's own.

    Humour is the spice of life for me, without it all things seem too desperate.
  4. Jesse_hz

    Jesse_hz TS Maniac Posts: 545

    No, "wtf" was the feeling left inside my head after reading it. I understood that it was humor.

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